Being sick sucks.

I have the flu. It sucks. It made Christmas sucky, and now I had to reschedule the Christmas dinner since I'm clearly too sick to have ppl over.

This shit better be gone by New Year's Eve. Otherwise, my choices are to party while sick, or stay home alone sick. Both suck.

Christmas was not the best. So we went to my aunt's for Christmas. You know, I love her, and I love her family, but I feel like she judges who we are and how we are and like she's decided we've gone wrong somewhere. But at the same time, she doesn't want to hear anything bad about her brother, so there's no point in explaining to her what we feel is wrong. So I guess she thinks it's all my mom's fault too.

She seems to think that the opinions we have of my dad are opinions that my mom put on us. I mean, really?? What are we, six years old and unable to form our own?? My dad left. He didn't give a shit, and when he pretended to, he did a shitty fucking job. How are we supposed to see him as anything besides the fuck up who walked away?? It's become a joke in our house, to say "you got that from your dad" or "well, you're definitely a Silva". Saying we're like him is an insult to us, and really, that's his fault. What kind of person makes their kids feel as though he doesn't love them or want them?? I know Gaby feels that way. It's her own opinion; my mom never told her how to feel.

In fact, my mom was more than nice towards him. She never insulted him in front of us, she never said bad things about him, she never tried to turn us against him - all of which he did to her. She never said no when we wanted to see him, or tried to stop us when we wanted to live with him. She let him have his million chances with his kids, and he fucked them all up. So please, stop looking at us like we're asshole for thinking of him as a joke. That is all he is to us. A fucking joke.

As for how we are, well, stop judging it. Maybe we're not as obedient as your kids, but we love and respect each other. Just because we call each other names and make fun of each other doesn't mean anything. If my mom were to tell me tomorrow that I can't do something, I'd laugh. I mean, really, I'm 26. The time to parent me has come and gone. But as someone I respect and whose friendship I value, I would take her advice into careful consideration. Her opinion is incredibly important to me, and at the same time, we can hang out and talk and laugh and gossip. I really feel like our relationship is incredible.

And for Jose?? Well, he's special. But we've accepted him. It's time you do too. If you can't accept who we are and how we feel about life (and about your brother), then maybe we shouldn't really be spending holidays together, regardless of how much we love you.

~Suz