So I'm really mad. At Jack. He just doesn't get it. And at Kasia. She's dumb sometimes.
So Jack. I've decided that obviously I lean on him too much. I tell him too many things. I feel too close to him. Now, none of this is anything more than in a friend way, but apparently he thinks otherwise.
So this weekend, he told me that I made him uncomfortable and that it was too close for him. So I slept on the couch. And then he also spent time telling me that if he was me, he wouldn't have let Anthony and Ela be so close, because that's what led to Anthony wanting to ask out Ela. And that if he was Krystal, he wouldn't let me and Jarx be so close, and basically that I've crossed the line with all the guys I know.
Which really just makes me feel kinda like a dirty whore.
So first, I don't think he has any right to say that I've crossed any kind of line with anyone else. If the girlfriends of those guys felt that I had crossed any kind of line, believe me, they would have said something. I'm sure the guys would also have said something if they felt uncomfortable or if I was doing something wrong. Nor does Jack have any right to say that I should have stopped Ela and Anthony from hanging out. Maybe one day, when he has a gf, he can tell her not to hang out with someone. And then we'll see how well that works out for him.
As for New Years, it meant nothing. Really, I don't know why I asked him to get in the bed, but I did. And really, once he was there, of course I moved closer. It was an automatic, drunken reaction. It wasn't 'cause I wanted him, it was because he was there. It was because I needed someone and I thought that he would understand that it wasn't meant to be anything more.
But so apparenlty I was wrong. And so I've decided to step back. In everything. Either we're not as close friends as I thought, or he really doesn't understand me at all. In either case, I'm stepping back. I don't really want to be told that I make someone uncomfortable, so I'm just gonna avoid all that. But now I know. Next time, I'll lean on someone else.
And then there's Kasia. She flipped out at Tom this weekend. All because she decided that she didn't really want the girls' night, and that we should invite the guys. So I was talked into it, and when we told Tom, he wasn't so into it. And then there was a fight. Which for some reason ended with her being pissed at me because I depress her and I bring her down and she can't deal with me. Oh, and also becuase apparently she gets no alone time with Tom anymore. Especially because Rose was there. But seriously, Rose was there for like half a day with her, and Kasia even told me that Rose slept through most of that.
And then, after all the bitching, and her calling me a liar and all that, she comes over to apologize. Except her apology goes more like, "Sorry, I didn't mean to say that, but it's just that you depress me and Tom doesn't help with that, and I don't get alone time with him because Rose was there." Ummmm, what the fuck is the point of even bothering to come over to me and say that??
So now I'm kinda doing with her what I did with Jack. Exactly what she asked, even if it wasn't what she meant. I'm not calling her when I need someone to talk to, and I'm giving her the space she wants. But then she got mad at me for not calling her yesterday. Apparently I'm supposed to be psychic and guess when she needs alone time and when she wants me to call her.
I swear, you fucking people have to make up your minds. You can't have it both ways. Either I do what you asked, or I don't change anything at all, regardless of how crowded or uncomfortable you felt. Pick one.
But whatever. If people want to talk about it, then know where to reach me. There's at least four ways I can thinkg of (msn, cell, home phone, facebook). If not, it stays this way. At least, for now.
And so yeah, this weekend is girls' night. The original reason for this night was that I thought that Anthony would be having some sort of bday party or something, and that everyone would go there. So I figured that if I took Kasia, Ela, and Jessica away from his thing, it wouldn't really make a diff to him. But now that he's deleted everyone off facebook, I don't know what's happening. But as far as I know, no one has gotten any kind of msg or txt from him inviting them to anything. So I guess I don't have to feel too guilty about it.
So far, the for sure people are me, Robin, Kasia, Ela, Krystal, Jessica and Gaby. I don't know if Tamara and Angela are coming for sure. I hope they do. It's gonna be pretty good. We're going to dinner first, don't know where yet. Maybe the Mexican restaurant by Yuk Yuk's. And then we're gonna be coming back to my building, where we're using the furnished suite. And we're gonna watch some girly movies (i.e. Clueless, Hocus Pocus, 10 Things I Hate About You, and so on), and eat some yummy finger foods from M&M's. So good. And I'm thinking of making some dip. I bought a little recipe book that has just dips in it, so I'm thinking of making two, maybe three. And I'm also making nachos. And some ice cream?? Yeah, I should buy some.
And friday I'm going to some restaurant called Vecchio Frak. It's downtown. It's for Nida's bday. They're going to Inside after, but I'm not going to the club with them. Well, we all know me, I may change my mind and end up going. But I doubt it.
Anywyas, I'm done my rant now. And I think it's bed time. Nighty night.
~Susana
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