Blogging Challenge: hardest thing

8. What is the hardest thing you have ever experiences?

I don't know that I could pick just one thing that has been the hardest.  At the time they were happening, there are many things that I felt were incredibly hard and would never end or get better, but looking back, they weren't really all that bad.

I guess if I were to pick a one of these experiences, I'd have to say my parents' divorce was probably the hardest. Not just because they were splitting up, but because my dad was pretty manipulative with our feelings and picked favourites between my siblings and I to play us off each other, but also because my mom, in an effort to move on, jumped into a relationship with a man I absolutely hated.

Of course, there were other things involved in this terrible time in my life, and it led to me being an angry and depressed teen that tried to end it all, and honestly, I'm still an angry (although less so) and emotional adult. But thankfully the anger and resentment doesn't rule my life as much as it used to.

Recently, I'd have to say that my dog's death hit me hard.  I loved him more than I love some of the people in my life, and I honestly thought he'd be around for years and years to come.  I've been lucky most of my life, never having really lost anyone.  The last funeral I remember was my grandpa, and I was 6 at the time.  So death wasn't something that touched me, and this felt like it came out of nowhere.  Even now, a year and a half later, I can remember what it was like to hug him and sometimes I stare at the places he used to sit and picture him there.  I miss him so, so much.


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A list of things before I die (a.k.a. my bucket list).

Bucket lists have always interested me. I’ve never really understood why they were called bucket lists, though.  I guess it’s because it’s things you wanna do before you kick the bucket??  Seems a little weird to me, but you know, English is pretty weird that way.  I’ve taken to calling them bucket lists now, though, because it’s what everyone else seems to know them as, and it’s just easier than explaining why you hate the name every time you use it.

Anyways, so I’ve had one made long before I knew what they were called, and even now, I continue to add to it.  I think I was nine years old when I first started writing down the list I’d been keeping in my head for as long as I could remember.  Some items have never changed (hug a panda, see the northern lights, learn to surf), while others have been added as soon as I discovered it was possible to do them or that they existed (swim with sharks, write a book, walk the Skywalk at the Grand Canyon).

Thankfully, I’ve crossed a few off my list: I’ve climbed a volcano, visited Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon, camped at Bruce Peninsula National Park, climbed a pyramid (well, technically a ziggurat, but I’m not gonna be picky).

I figured I’d list a few here for you all, in case you need some inspiration.  Of course, there’s other, less photo-friendly items on my list, like write a novel, learn a new language, see a broadway play, spend the night in a haunted house, learn to drive standard, and visit all 50 states.  Plus, you know, ride a hot air balloon, swim with dolphins, go horseback riding, go paragliding, see the Sphinx…. you get the point, I’m sure.

I would love to see the Cristo Redentor and Sugarloaf Mountain in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.	The Galapagos Islands, Ecuador.  The animals aren't afraid of people!! Galapagos islands, Ecuador. I’d love to go and interact with the animals there. They’re not afraid of people!! Galapagos islands, Ecuador. I’d love to go and interact with the animals there. They’re not afraid of people!!
J.K. Rowling is my idol, and I'd love to meet her.	Machu Picchu has always been at the top of my list.
Hadrian's Wall, Northern England.	Jasper National Park in Alberta, Canada.
The Festival of Lanterns in Thailand.  It looks like it'd be so beautiful to watch!!	Kid Cudi.  His lyrics are incredible, and I'd love to tell him how much I admire him and his honesty.
African Safari.  I think it'd be amazing!!  Hopefully one day it'll happen for me.	Angkor Wat in Cambodia.  I'd love to watch the sunrise.
Party in Rio de Janeiro for the Carnival.	The Great Wall of China.
Own a pair of Louboutins.  They're just so pretty!!	See the Northern Lights (aka Aurora Borealis).
Hug a panda!!	Skydive

So there you go.  I’m sure I’ll come up with others as time goes by, and hopefully I’ll get to knock some off my list soon.  I’m hoping that within the next year I can go horseback riding and maybe ziplining or skydiving.  I wanted to get cliff jumping out the of the way, but instead I jumped off a high ledge inside a cave, which I’m not sure counts as a cliff.  And next year, a trip for sure.  Maybe Machu Picchu and the Inca Trail??  Maybe Comic Con in San Diego??  Or maybe I’ll just buy a pair of Louboutin leather boots (and/or sparkly stilettos).  I’d so love that!!
What’s on your bucket list??

Blogging challenge: my desktop

7. Screenshot your desktop.  Explain it.

Well, this one is kinda boring, since I have Windows 8, which means that nothing really needs to be on my desktop.  I'll screenshot it anyways, though.

Okay, so as you can tell, I have two monitors, both of which are widescreen.  My background pictures change every five minutes from a folder where I've put in pictures of places I think are super pretty (which are labelled at the top) and pictures that have quotes that I like.

As for what's on there, well, there's two quotes in the sticky notes that I've heard recently, which are "Write every day.  Not every other day.  Not tomorrow.  Not after the party.  But before.  The more you write, the more comes out of you.  If you don't give inspiration an opportunity, it will never arrive," which Ethan Hawke said (wwll, wrote) in an answer during a Reddit AMA, and "It's better to write for yourself and have no audience and have no public than write for the public and have no self," which was said by Cyril Connolly.

There aren't too many programs, just a few shortcuts: Photoshop, Calibre (to read ebooks), Handbrake (to convert movies to iTunes format), iTunes, the LotR game I haven't played yet, Mozilla Thunderbird (for some volunteer work I was doing), and a few random folders.

This seems like a boring post, so I'll add a few of my favourite pictures out of all the backgrounds.   The two ink ones came as part of a theme I downloaded from Microsoft.  The other pictures I find mostly of Reddit's The SFW Porn Network, mainly the EarthPorn and CityPorn subreddits, as well as Trey Ratcliff's work, which he shares on his site here.  Then I add the location using Photoshop (I don't change anything else, I just got tired of having pics come up and wondering where it was) and add it to my Themes folder.  I've added the sources as best I can, but I wasn't able to find them all.  If anyone knows, please let me know so I can credit the photographer!!

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Spencer Platt/Getty Images

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Blogging challenge: communication

6. What is your preferred form of communication? 

Although I prefer face-to-face, I'd have to say that texts and chat (Facebook or Gmail) are probably the way I communicate the most.  I'm not sure when texting became the thing to do, but somehow, it did.  I have friends who I don't think I've EVER called, although I talk to them often.

I used to love being on the phone, at least with close friends and boyfriends.  I loved talking for hours about everything and nothing.  When I was younger, I'd even enjoy watching TV or playing a computer game while on the phone with someone, because it was almost like they were watching it or playing with you. 

And then, somehow, that stopped.  It became easier to text people instead of talking to them.  Even with my last boyfriend, who I dated for three years, I only texted or talked over Gchat with.  Seriously, I think I talked to him on the phone only a handful of times.  In three years!!

Craziness.

But nothing beats going out for dinner or coffee and catching up, venting, or plotting your world takeover.  I miss my epic coffee dates with Jess!!  Maybe I should do more to keep in touch and not lose contact with people.  And not just a message here and there that doesn't mean anything, but actual, meaningful contact.

I'll get on that.  And if you read this, feel free to call me (or text/message me, whatevs).  We'll do coffee, catch up!!

Blogging Challenge: De-stressing

5. How do you de-stress?

This one is fairly similar to the last blog challenge question, but I'll answer it anyways.

Well, considering I spend most of my life stressed out and in a somewhat freaking out mode, de-stressing doesn't come all that easy.  There are a few things I can do, however, that help me to calm down and just take a breath.

1. The beach and swimming.  Sadly, seeing as I live in Toronto, there is no ocean beach or even really nice, clean, swimable area nearby, so my favourite place is Sauble Beach.  At about 2 1/2 - 3 hours away (depending on traffic and how you drive), it's a beautiful place to go.

Panorama of Sauble Beach.

2. Organizing and decorating and cleaning.  Yes, I know it seems weird, but when I'm really stressed, cleaning my space helps.  It's like I'm metaphorically cleaning my head as I throw out garbage and make space around me and place everything where it should go in a neat and orderly fashion.  Usually, this is followed by me re-decorating or moving stuff around and putting new stuff up.

3. Reading. Unfortunately, this has been loosing its calming factor lately.  I get agitated and distracted much easier than I used to.  Although I did just start a new book (well, new to me) called The Baghdad Blogger by Salam Pax, which is pretty freaking interesting.  I've also started to read World War Z by Max Brooks, and I've got a copy of The Cuckoo's Calling by Roberth Galbraith (a.k.a. JK Rowling) waiting for me.

4. Driving.  Preferably by myself and for a fair distance, with music blasting and singing as loud as I can possibly sing.  Even better if this ends at a beach.  I also like driving adventures with friends, where we just go, without thought to where.  It leads to some pretty interesting places!!

5. Tobermory.  I definitely de-stress there. It's my favourite place in the world, and I'd go there any time, for however long, with whoever wants to see it.  Just hike to a nice spot and sit down and stare out at the lake.  It's a good feeling, especially if you've worked hard to hike to that spot.  And the water, regardless of how cold it is, is amazing.  Clear blue, it looks like you could be in the Caribbean.  Here's a few pics I took on the latest trip there for your viewing pleasure:

The view at Pebble Beach.

The view on the way to Cave Point, the highest point in the park.

Tom and Kacper enjoying the rocks (and waves) and Half Dump Log.

Kacper walking into the water at Half Dump Log.

That's all I can really think of.  Nothing lately has really been helping me calm down, as money and work and life have become an incredible weight on my shoulders.  The week in Tobermory helped, but now it's back to applying for jobs and getting my life back on track. 

I'm gonna be an aunt!!

So I'm not sure how many of you are aware that my sister is having a baby, but come August, I'll be the proud aunt of one Reina Fae Oppenheimer.  Well, at least that's the name they've chosen for now.

Gaby's ultrasound from a few days ago.  She's at 20 weeks.

 

 

I'm so excited!!  You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to smushing and cuddling and hugging that baby.  I also get to buy it a lot of cute outfits, and help dress her to look adorable.  And the shoes!!  Baby shoes are freaking cute!!  I may or may not already have a (secret) Pinterest board for stuff I plan to get.

I can't help it, there are just so many adorable things out there for little girls!!  Like these:

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And I also get to instill in her a love of all things Hello Kitty.  I will buy the shit out of everything Hello Kitty offers.

I'm also really looking forward to, hopefully, teaching her how to love reading.  I love it, and I did everything I could (and succeeded!!) to make sure Gaby also loved it.  Now I get to make sure her daughter is the same. Somehow, I will also make her love camping and going places.  Not right away, of course, but in time.  Maybe it'll finally be time for that Disney family vacation we never took, right??

I also get to plan the baby shower.  Nothing crazy, but it'll be nice.  We're thinking a jungle theme, and my mom's friend Elsa is going to be making lots and lots of Mexican food, along with the snacks and appetizers I make.  And Gaby's asked me to make a cake, which hopefully will turn out nicely.

And, on the last bit of exciting news, guess who's the godmother??  That's right, ME!!  I'm happy Gaby's asked me to be, as I plan to be there for her daughter through anything and everything, good times and bad.  I'll make sure that no matter what kind of life she has, or what kind of world we live in, there will always be a safe have for her to go to and someone to talk to.  Because that's my job as aunt, as godmother, and really, as someone who loves her already.

Anyways, this is super exciting!!  If you see or talk to Gaby, feel free to congratulate her.  I know she'd love to hear it.

How fast the years go by...

Me as a kid in El Salvador.

So tomorrow, I turn 29.

It's weird.  I mean, there's nothing big about 29.  You can't drive or vote or drink for the first time, and it's not some big marking point, like a quarter century.  You're not even hitting that fearsome new decade.

But it does mark the last year if your 20s.  It kinda feels to me as though it may be the last year of your youth.  I know, I know, it's not that drastic, and I'm honestly not as afraid of my 30s as I may sound.  But I do feel that I'm hitting that age where I should totally have my life together and be an adult.

When I was younger, I was suer that by this time I'd have a career, I'd travel often, I'd speak more languages.  I thought maybe I'd be married, have a kid or two, definitely have some dogs.  When I was teen, I as sure that by this time I'd be in some war zone, reporting to the world what's happening.  Sadly, the reality isn't as awesome.  But things can change, right??

I have heard that the 30s is the new 20s, and I'm totally gonna choose to believe that's true.  Bad times aside for me, I feel like the 30s could be as awesome, if not more so than my 20s.  Even though my friends and I are getting to that age where houses and weddings are common, I don't feel like we're slowing down the fun.  Parties are still happening, clubs are still being hit up, and New Year's is still epic.  Road trips are still a go, and new places are still being visited.

Me, all dressed up for our 2012 New Year's Eve Burlesque Ball.

So I've decided that I'm going to look at my 29th year as time to get ready for what's sure to make an awesome 30s.  You know, do all the stuff I should have done by now: find a stable, permanent job, get my car back on the road, get my finances back on track.  Moving out would also be ideal, although in the end, being roommates with my brothers may not be so bad for a while.

Hopefully, by the time I hit my 30s next year, I'll be set and ready to live life.  Hopefully I can spend a great part of that decade seeing the world and enjoy the amazing places and do the awesome things that have been on my list for years:  do the hike to Machu Picchu, see the northern lights, visit Angkor Wat, learn to surf, go skydiving.  Maybe take some classes, learn to cook like a chef, take pictures like a pro, or learn to paint like Bob Ross.

But those awesome things will come later.  This year will be all about working towards travel.  Working towards stability.  Working towards the being able to do the things I want to do, even if it's only on the weekends.  It'll also hopefully be a year to get myself healthy enough to live through my 30s.  Lose weight, eat healthy, take yoga for my back.  Maybe even get some Lasik.

Also, I need to write more.  I don't write enough, which is sad, because it calms me down and makes me happy.

So here's to another year older, another year done, and hopefully a great many more to come!!

It's a new year, which means it's time for all those resolutions I'll have forgotten about by next week!!

So we made it to 2013.  It's amazing how fast time goes.  Was it really ten years ago that I spent New Year's Eve in El Salvador??  Was it really almost a decade since I finished high school?? Was the first Christmas Dinner that Kasia and I hosted really twelve years ago?!?!

Wow.  I feel like all this time has gone by and I haven't noticed.

Regardless, in the spirit of it being a new year, I figured I'd be cliched and come up with some goals for the year.  I don't want to call them resolutions, since that title is just begging for me to break them ASAP, so goals works for me.

Anyways, here they are, in no particular order:

1. Get a real job.  Not a temporary, for now, or in the meantime type of job, an actual full-time, permanent position.  With benefits.  The whole temp thing just isn't working out for me.  I need something with a little more security and longevity.

2. Move out.  I'd love to have my own place, and it'll have to happen this year.  Currently, I live at my mom's, but she'll move in with her boyfriend soon, which means I'll definitely have to find somewhere.  Somewhere in Sauga, I think, not downtown.  And I don't want to look for a roommate, I'd rather have my own place. As for moving in with Matt, well, I have no idea.  I like the idea of seeing him every day and sleeping next to him every night and waking up to him every morning, but I also like the idea of having my own space and decorating how I want to and getting the chance to live on my own.  Plus, I have no idea how he feels about moving out with me anymore, since I tossed us aside.  Twice.

3. Go on vacation.  Not camping, but somewhere that I can lay on the beach, drink lots, and not have to worry about a goddamned thing.  Cuba, maybe??  Or somewhere different, like St Maarten??  Just somewhere that if I wanted to do nothing for a week, I could.  Even El Salvador would be good, although that would be much more heartbreaking to leave than anywhere else.

4. Go somewhere new.  Similar to the vacation one, but with more doing.  Maybe sightseeing or a tour or hiking or whatever.  Machu Picchu??  Thailand?? Somewhere new and interesting and awesome.  Honestly, I'd even settle for somewhere closer and less exotic, but till new.  New Orleans??

5. Learn a new language.  Or possibly work on the two half languages I know (Spanish and French).  Maybe learn some new Polish words??  The last few I learned were a few years ago.  Time to add something to my mental translator!!

6. Finish a story.  I've been stuck for the last while and haven't been able to write too much, even tough I have an incredible amount of ideas.  Maybe I can work on getting them out??  I've still got some up on my FanFiction profile, and I've got maybe 20 pages of another. I've also got like 35 pages of an original story, and a bunch of stories left anywhere from 2 to 5 pages.  I really should work on those.

7. Find a new hobby.  I keep saying photography or painting, but I do neither.  So I need to give them my all or get off the pot and find some new ones.  I can't imagine me knitting or anything.  Cooking??  Maybe more event planning??  I do love me some planning.  I could definitely make that into something fun!!

8. Pay off debts.  Honestly, I need to do this.  If I'm smart about it, and I find a job soon, I should technically be able to pay off all the people I owe money to, and fix quite a bit of my credit, this year.  I obviously can't finish OSAP this year, but I could do almost everything else.  Or, quite possibly, everything else.  Let's aim for as much as possible and hope it goes well, okay??

9. Lose weight.  I have to find a way to get rid of at least 60 lbs.  HAVE TO.  I can't use any machines or go crazy (stupid back), so I've gotta take up swimming and an aerobics class. Maybe I'll join Kasia in  Zumba, as much as I don't like it.  I've also gotta do yoga or something to help stretch out my back.

10. Relax.  Be healthy.  Smile.  Honestly, I need to just learn to enjoy life and laugh it off when it goes wrong.  I need to not blow everything out of proportion and I need to not over think everything and stress myself out to the point I get panic attacks.  I need to be on the offensive much less and not bite everyone's head off.  I need to think less for me and more for others, and sometimes, I need to think the opposite.

Wow, that's more than I planned to set for myself.  I don't think they're hard, though.  At least, most of them aren't, so I should be able to find ways to get them done, right??  Or possibly, and maybe even more realistically, I'll forget all about them until the end of the year.

Blogging Challenge: Things that make me happy

4. What are five things that make you happy right now?

Huh.  Well....I don't know.  I guess this means five different things, so I can't just list five songs. 'Cause five songs would be easy.  Listening to me sing might not make most of you too happy, but that's what earplugs are for!!  I guess that means I can't just make a list of five people either??

I'm sure I can come up with something...hopefully.

1.  Music.  There are bunch of songs right now that make me super happy.  If I was looking to cheer up, or I was in a good mood and wanted to sing along, I'd turn on almost anything from Ke$ha's latest CD, Warrior, or Fun.'s "Some Nights".  Both make me happy.  And if I was looking for older songs that always make me happy, I'd go for some nostalgia: maybe some BSB, some Spice Girls, maybe some Big Shiny Tunes song.  Or maybe I'll put on some Rise Against and some Linkin Park and rock out.  That makes me happy too.

2. Planing an event.  I don't know why, but this makes me so freaking happy.  I love planning everything about an event: invites, music, food, decor.  I love coordinating everything and planning out all the logistical things most people consider a nightmare.  I just finished two awesome events (a Confused Christmas dinner and Burlesque New Year's Eve) and pretty soon I'll be planning something for my bday.  I have no idea as of yet what to do, but I'm sure I'll think of something epic!!  And if anyone has any events they want help planning, or maybe you just want to have a party but don't want to plan, then let me know!!  I'm totally up for planning anything!!

3. Driving.  I've always loved to drive.  Even before I had a car, I'd always be the one driving Kasia's car.  Since I've gotten my car, I get a lot more alone driving time.  Which I didn't like at first.  But now, I love it!!  I try to drive with the windows down, regardless of the temperature, and with the music as loud as I can get it.

4. Apple TV and Netflix. For Christmas, Matt was awesome and got me Apple TV, which we'd figured out (thanks to Robin) how to change so we'd be able to access American Netflix.  I was iffy Apple TV at first, but once I saw the difference between Canadian Netflix (which sucks) and American Netflix (which is freaking awesome!!), I was sold!!  I haven't been an avid TV watcher lately, since I only watch one show, but that's totally changing.  Currently, I'm watching Supernatural, which is totally a me show (hot guys, ghosts and other supernatural things, scary and cheesy scenes), and Doctor Who, which is awesome and full of accents!!  I've also been watching a lot of documentaries, mainly National Geographic ones, which are incredibly good.  You'd be surprised at the different topics they have!!  Right now I'm watching one all about zombies and where the idea comes form and if it really is possible to have a zombie apocalypse.  It's super interesting!!

5. Reading.  As always, reading is my main escape and makes me incredibly happy.  The last two book series (serieses??) I read were The Mortal Instruments, by Cassandra Clare, which I loved to death, and the Divergent & Insurgent books by Veronica Roth, which are also really freaking awesome!!  Both are being made into movies, although Mortal Instruments is coming out this year, while Divergent hasn't even been filmed yet.  I'm super excited about Mortal Instruments, though, you have no idea.  I plan to be there on opening night!!  Writing usually makes me happy too, but in the last few weeks I've hit a block. I have ideas, but I just can't find the words to get the out.  It's weird, but hopefully it'll get better soon.

And there you have it!!  It actually made me feel better to list things that make me happy.  I'm totally gonna watch more documentaries and try to write more.  And I guess I should attempt to write more blog posts, too, while I'm at it??