Surprise!

Hallo all!!  I know, it's crazy to see an update, isn't it??  It's been almost 5 years since the last one!!

So I figured I'd do a quick update of my life for those of you who follow me on here.  I moved to Burlington just over two years ago, in 2017. I live with Gaby and Smush in a comfy little townhouse with a small backyard. I work in Oakville, at a pharmaceutical company that runs patient support programs.  I currently work for an awesome drug that helps people breathe better. 

I'm also volunteering with Girl Guides, as a Guider to my niece's Sparks unit.  That means that I get to spend every Tuesday evening, as well as some weekends, with 22 girls aged 5-6 that are ridiculously excited. Also, three other adults.  

I've also started to write again. It's been a while since I felt the need to be creative. I've also been playing with Illustrator, creating some prints that I have up on my Etsy store. My news site is no longer up, mainly because it took way too much time and still I wasn't able to get as many stories, or even many high quality stories, as I wanted to.  I'll have to think of something else I can blog about. Books? TV shows? I don't know.  If you have ideas, please feel free to let me know. I'm open to any suggestions!!

Also, I've discovered podcasts.  Since I'm not on a patient phone line and I have no patient contact, I get to have headphones in all day and podcasts became my new thing.  Let me tell you, Crime Junkie is definitely my favourite.  There's a few other good ones, but I'm still definitely addicted to True Crime.

What else??  Ooooh, I have a kitty!!  Her name is Peppermint, and I love her so, so, so much. She just wants to be loved an cuddled.  She seriously is the best cat.  She doesn't fight you, she doesn't scratch, she doesn't climb or destroy things....she really just wants to sit on your lap so you can pet her. I wasn't soo sure about her when I got her, but it was supposed to be a temporary relocation for her.  But now, there's no way in hell I'm letting her leave.  She's my baby and with me she'll stay.

Hmmm...family update. Let's see....we're good. Gaby's in McMaster, doing her second year. Smush is in grade one, in French Immersion, and seems to like it. Nelson is living in a condo with Nakisha and they've both got good jobs and a ridiculous puppy. Jose is living in Toronto, doing pretty good for himself. Kienan is in his third year at Guelph and in the army. Mom and Aidan just bought a boat (yay!!) and are still happy together. Overall, I think the family's doing pretty good.

Okay, so that's my update.  Maybe I'll try and get one here to update again.  I still have that list thing I was doing, the blogging challenge.  Maybe I'll finish it? Or maybe I'll talk to you guys again in a few years.  Who knows, right!!

I'm gonna be an aunt!!

So I'm not sure how many of you are aware that my sister is having a baby, but come August, I'll be the proud aunt of one Reina Fae Oppenheimer.  Well, at least that's the name they've chosen for now.

Gaby's ultrasound from a few days ago.  She's at 20 weeks.

 

 

I'm so excited!!  You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to smushing and cuddling and hugging that baby.  I also get to buy it a lot of cute outfits, and help dress her to look adorable.  And the shoes!!  Baby shoes are freaking cute!!  I may or may not already have a (secret) Pinterest board for stuff I plan to get.

I can't help it, there are just so many adorable things out there for little girls!!  Like these:

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And I also get to instill in her a love of all things Hello Kitty.  I will buy the shit out of everything Hello Kitty offers.

I'm also really looking forward to, hopefully, teaching her how to love reading.  I love it, and I did everything I could (and succeeded!!) to make sure Gaby also loved it.  Now I get to make sure her daughter is the same. Somehow, I will also make her love camping and going places.  Not right away, of course, but in time.  Maybe it'll finally be time for that Disney family vacation we never took, right??

I also get to plan the baby shower.  Nothing crazy, but it'll be nice.  We're thinking a jungle theme, and my mom's friend Elsa is going to be making lots and lots of Mexican food, along with the snacks and appetizers I make.  And Gaby's asked me to make a cake, which hopefully will turn out nicely.

And, on the last bit of exciting news, guess who's the godmother??  That's right, ME!!  I'm happy Gaby's asked me to be, as I plan to be there for her daughter through anything and everything, good times and bad.  I'll make sure that no matter what kind of life she has, or what kind of world we live in, there will always be a safe have for her to go to and someone to talk to.  Because that's my job as aunt, as godmother, and really, as someone who loves her already.

Anyways, this is super exciting!!  If you see or talk to Gaby, feel free to congratulate her.  I know she'd love to hear it.

Blogging Challenge: relationship with your parents.

Well, since my parents are divorced, I'll do this as two totally separate descriptions. Let's get the unhappy out of the way first: my dad.

I don't have a relationship with my dad.  I think I've spoken to him once or twice in the last eight years or so, and I believe I've only seen him once.  Do I miss him??  Sometimes. Do I wish it were different??  Not really.  I used to, but not anymore.  Does it hurt to know he doesn't care??  Yes.  More than anyone can imagine. I do a good job of playing up the hate and the indifference, but it hurts.  Every time I'm reminded, it hurts.  There's a reason I can't watch movies where a dad apologizes for his mistakes to his children.  I have to leave the room and cry my heart out.

He has a new family now.  A new wife, new kids.  We don't hear from him.  The only time I hear anything about him is the few times we saw my aunt, who tried everytime to tell us we should forgive and move on and love him, like he wasn't a piece of shit douchebag that deserved our ire.

He was never there, he didn't help out, he didn't do anything but use us against each other, leave us with no thought when it suited him, and cry to us so we'd hate our mom.  He made promises he never kept, plans he never followed through on, and promised a love that he never, ever showed.

There's a song I feel really describes how I feel.  It's called "Emotionless" and it's by Good Charlotte.  I've put it on my blog before, but I'll add it here again in case you want to hear it again.  It's a good song.  I think I'm angrier than the singer, but other than that, it's pretty close to how I feel.

As you can tell, I harbour a lot of bitterness and resentment still.  I can't see that changing anytime soon.  I have nothing agains his new kids, whom I consider my brothers.  But when I go to El Salvador, I will not make plans to see him.  And if he's there??  Well, let's just say he won't like it if he comes to talk to me.

On to the happier parental story: my mom.

My mom and I in 2010.

I love my mom.  I don't feel there is anyone in my life that's a better role model than her.  She gave up everything for us, and when shit got hard, she stuck it out for us.  When my parents got divorced, she could have gone home to her family and her friends and forced us to grow up in El Salvador.  But she didn't.  Instead, she stuck it out alone, in a foreign country, with no family and no friends, without knowing the language, just so we could have a brighter future.

My mom looking hot on
her birthday, 2011.

She played mom and dad.  She played boss and dictator.  She played the bad cop.  She played the good cop.  And now she plays the best friend.

Never did I not have a warm jacket or shoes.  Never did I not have notebooks or pencils or a backpack.    Never did I miss a school trip or a birthday or an event. Never did I not have something, small or not, to fill my tummy.  Never did I have a Christmas where I didn't rip open presents and love them all.  We were all taken care of and spoiled to the furthest extent she could spoil us.

She bailed us out of jams, she helped us out, she listened, she gave advice, she was there.

Now don't get me wrong, she's made her mistakes.  She's said the wrong thing or brought the wrong people around or made the wrong choice.  But you know what??  She's human.  She's allowed mistakes.  But in the end, she never left our side, and she never hesitated to drop everything and everyone for us. 

My mom in the British Virgin Islands, Dec 2011.

I love that now that I'm older, I can go for dinner with her, or to a bar and get a drink and some nachos. I love that my friends love her.  I'm glad I can talk to her.  I like that we can go shopping or for dinner or just hang out and talk.

And I like her boyfriend, Aidan.  He's a good guy and he makes her happy.  He's gotten her to try a lot of new things, like sailing and scuba diving and pretty sure I'm sure she'll be skydiving soon.  And she's finally taking vacations and going new places!!  And she's made some awesome new friends and goes out every weekend and has fun.

She's happy now and finally living life, and I wish her the best and I hope she enjoys it.  Stop thinking about anyone but yourself and have fun - you deserve it!!

So there you go, that's what the opposite ends of the parental spectrum looks like.

But at least I had one awesome parent, right??  I still think I'm lucky.  My mom's more than enough, and I'll never be anything but glad that she's here and she love us. We love her more than anyone else.  Hopefully she'll be around for a long while yet!! And in the meantime, we'll keep wishing her a happy mother's day and a happy father's day!!

Oh, Lucky, how I miss you.

So it's been a little over three weeks, and I still miss my baby.  My Lucky.  I still think I'm gonna see him when I leave my room.  I still think he's about to scratch my door so I can let him in my room.  I still wake up thinking that he should be on my bed.

I come home, and my heart breaks because no one is barking excitedly at me.  No one is so happy I'm home that they run to see me so I'll pet them and hug them.  I don't have him to take out for a walk.  I don't have him to hug.

The love of my life.  RIP Lucky.

I just want to hug him.  Everyday, that's all I want to do.  Just cuddle with him.  Give him a kiss and tell him I love him

Every time I feel down, I look for him, because his hugs and cuddles soothe my every hurt.  But he's not there, and it kills me every time I realize it.

I miss him so much.  It still feels like there's a hole in my heart.  I've always known that he was a part of the family, I just never though I'd have to say goodbye.  I know it seems like I should have known, but I wasn't ready.  I just want another few minutes with him.  Is that so much to ask??

I went to Aidan's house last weekend to drop off my mom, and I went out into the backyard.  Nelson showed me where they buried Lucky. Never in my life have I had such a strong urge to do something.  But I can't dig him up and hug him, 'cause he's gone.  And what's there isn't him.  It breaks my heart to think of him, in the ground, cold and alone.

I always hated the phrases "Give it time," or "It will get better."  Neither of those tell you how long it'll take.  I just want someone to give me an actual timeline.  Like, "It'll hurt for six months, but then you'll be okay."  Something like that, so I know when this hole will stop feeling like it's drowning me in sadness.

I keep thinking that maybe if I had another puppy, I'd feel better.  But then I feel like I'm replacing him.  Is that crazy??  Regardless, no new puppy for me until I don't cry every time I see a puppy on TV.  Or every time I think his name.  Or every time I picture him.

I'm gonna make a shadow box to put in my room, and I'll take it with me wherever I go.  I saved some of his toys, and I'll take a piece of his blanket and put it in.  And a few pictures.  I found some of his hair a few days ago from the last haircut I did (and it wasn't pretty, I cried for like an hour), so maybe I'll put some of that in there as well.  I don't care how creepy it sounds.

That way, I'll always feel like I have a part of him.  Something I can't forget.  Something others can see and remember him by.  Because he was my love and my baby, and he should never be forgotten.

My mom's chicken soup is better than your mom's chicken soup.

So I wanted to talk to you about chicken soup.  Yes, chicken soup.  The food you're supposed to eat when you're sick, when you're down, when you're not feeling well.

The sad part is, most of the chicken soup I've seen here is kinda sad.  A lot of it is the noodles in water with some chicken flavour.  Sometimes they'll have a bit of veggies, but it's not a lot.

But my mom's chicken soup has always been really freaking awesome.  It's fantastic.  Whenever I make it, it comes out more like stew than soup, but I kinda like it that way.  But I though I'd share the recipe, for those that are interested.

The ingredients may seem a little weird, but that's okay.  And to be honest, you can play with the amounts as much as you want.

So here's what you do:
1. Fill a big pot with water.  Put in the onion, garlic, chicken stock, salt, and skinless chicken.  Let it boil, and leave it for about 20 minutes.

2. Remove the chicken.  Put aside.

4. Put in the diced potatoes, sliced zucchini, and the sliced carrot.  Feel free to add more or less of each vegetable as you want.  Let that boil, and leave for about 5 minutes once it's boiling.

5. Add in the rice.  I use Mr. Goudas Instant White Rice (the bag with the pink on it).  Leave it for about five minutes once it starts boiling again.

6.  Add the chicken and the green beans.  Once it boils again, leave for about ten minutes.

7.  Pour into bowl.  Add avocado and lemon to taste (I like a lot of each).

Keep in mind that the more rice you add, the less water you'll have.  If you like it soupy, try to start with a lot of water, or just add less rice.  The one cup mentioned here leaves it soupier than I like.  I would prolly use a cup and a half or two.  I prefer it more like stew, with the lemon juice making it soupy.  But I'm weird like that.

So there you have it.  Simple enough, but awesomely tasty.  I know it seems weird, but I promise you, it is incredible.  Best chicken soup ever.  This is what you want if you're sick.  The lemon helps.  Or at least, that's what I tell myself!!

Being sick sucks.

I have the flu. It sucks. It made Christmas sucky, and now I had to reschedule the Christmas dinner since I'm clearly too sick to have ppl over.

This shit better be gone by New Year's Eve. Otherwise, my choices are to party while sick, or stay home alone sick. Both suck.

Christmas was not the best. So we went to my aunt's for Christmas. You know, I love her, and I love her family, but I feel like she judges who we are and how we are and like she's decided we've gone wrong somewhere. But at the same time, she doesn't want to hear anything bad about her brother, so there's no point in explaining to her what we feel is wrong. So I guess she thinks it's all my mom's fault too.

She seems to think that the opinions we have of my dad are opinions that my mom put on us. I mean, really?? What are we, six years old and unable to form our own?? My dad left. He didn't give a shit, and when he pretended to, he did a shitty fucking job. How are we supposed to see him as anything besides the fuck up who walked away?? It's become a joke in our house, to say "you got that from your dad" or "well, you're definitely a Silva". Saying we're like him is an insult to us, and really, that's his fault. What kind of person makes their kids feel as though he doesn't love them or want them?? I know Gaby feels that way. It's her own opinion; my mom never told her how to feel.

In fact, my mom was more than nice towards him. She never insulted him in front of us, she never said bad things about him, she never tried to turn us against him - all of which he did to her. She never said no when we wanted to see him, or tried to stop us when we wanted to live with him. She let him have his million chances with his kids, and he fucked them all up. So please, stop looking at us like we're asshole for thinking of him as a joke. That is all he is to us. A fucking joke.

As for how we are, well, stop judging it. Maybe we're not as obedient as your kids, but we love and respect each other. Just because we call each other names and make fun of each other doesn't mean anything. If my mom were to tell me tomorrow that I can't do something, I'd laugh. I mean, really, I'm 26. The time to parent me has come and gone. But as someone I respect and whose friendship I value, I would take her advice into careful consideration. Her opinion is incredibly important to me, and at the same time, we can hang out and talk and laugh and gossip. I really feel like our relationship is incredible.

And for Jose?? Well, he's special. But we've accepted him. It's time you do too. If you can't accept who we are and how we feel about life (and about your brother), then maybe we shouldn't really be spending holidays together, regardless of how much we love you.

~Suz