Blogging Challenge: relationship with your parents.

Well, since my parents are divorced, I'll do this as two totally separate descriptions. Let's get the unhappy out of the way first: my dad.

I don't have a relationship with my dad.  I think I've spoken to him once or twice in the last eight years or so, and I believe I've only seen him once.  Do I miss him??  Sometimes. Do I wish it were different??  Not really.  I used to, but not anymore.  Does it hurt to know he doesn't care??  Yes.  More than anyone can imagine. I do a good job of playing up the hate and the indifference, but it hurts.  Every time I'm reminded, it hurts.  There's a reason I can't watch movies where a dad apologizes for his mistakes to his children.  I have to leave the room and cry my heart out.

He has a new family now.  A new wife, new kids.  We don't hear from him.  The only time I hear anything about him is the few times we saw my aunt, who tried everytime to tell us we should forgive and move on and love him, like he wasn't a piece of shit douchebag that deserved our ire.

He was never there, he didn't help out, he didn't do anything but use us against each other, leave us with no thought when it suited him, and cry to us so we'd hate our mom.  He made promises he never kept, plans he never followed through on, and promised a love that he never, ever showed.

There's a song I feel really describes how I feel.  It's called "Emotionless" and it's by Good Charlotte.  I've put it on my blog before, but I'll add it here again in case you want to hear it again.  It's a good song.  I think I'm angrier than the singer, but other than that, it's pretty close to how I feel.

As you can tell, I harbour a lot of bitterness and resentment still.  I can't see that changing anytime soon.  I have nothing agains his new kids, whom I consider my brothers.  But when I go to El Salvador, I will not make plans to see him.  And if he's there??  Well, let's just say he won't like it if he comes to talk to me.

On to the happier parental story: my mom.

My mom and I in 2010.

I love my mom.  I don't feel there is anyone in my life that's a better role model than her.  She gave up everything for us, and when shit got hard, she stuck it out for us.  When my parents got divorced, she could have gone home to her family and her friends and forced us to grow up in El Salvador.  But she didn't.  Instead, she stuck it out alone, in a foreign country, with no family and no friends, without knowing the language, just so we could have a brighter future.

My mom looking hot on
her birthday, 2011.

She played mom and dad.  She played boss and dictator.  She played the bad cop.  She played the good cop.  And now she plays the best friend.

Never did I not have a warm jacket or shoes.  Never did I not have notebooks or pencils or a backpack.    Never did I miss a school trip or a birthday or an event. Never did I not have something, small or not, to fill my tummy.  Never did I have a Christmas where I didn't rip open presents and love them all.  We were all taken care of and spoiled to the furthest extent she could spoil us.

She bailed us out of jams, she helped us out, she listened, she gave advice, she was there.

Now don't get me wrong, she's made her mistakes.  She's said the wrong thing or brought the wrong people around or made the wrong choice.  But you know what??  She's human.  She's allowed mistakes.  But in the end, she never left our side, and she never hesitated to drop everything and everyone for us. 

My mom in the British Virgin Islands, Dec 2011.

I love that now that I'm older, I can go for dinner with her, or to a bar and get a drink and some nachos. I love that my friends love her.  I'm glad I can talk to her.  I like that we can go shopping or for dinner or just hang out and talk.

And I like her boyfriend, Aidan.  He's a good guy and he makes her happy.  He's gotten her to try a lot of new things, like sailing and scuba diving and pretty sure I'm sure she'll be skydiving soon.  And she's finally taking vacations and going new places!!  And she's made some awesome new friends and goes out every weekend and has fun.

She's happy now and finally living life, and I wish her the best and I hope she enjoys it.  Stop thinking about anyone but yourself and have fun - you deserve it!!

So there you go, that's what the opposite ends of the parental spectrum looks like.

But at least I had one awesome parent, right??  I still think I'm lucky.  My mom's more than enough, and I'll never be anything but glad that she's here and she love us. We love her more than anyone else.  Hopefully she'll be around for a long while yet!! And in the meantime, we'll keep wishing her a happy mother's day and a happy father's day!!