Monday 30 April 2012

The (few!!) poems that reach my heart.

I heard this poem in a movie today ("In My Country," if you're wondering), and I loved it. Abso-freaking-lutely LOVED it. I'm now trying to find a way to put it up on my wall somehow: either in a print, or in stencil, or wire, or something.  Anything!!  LOVED IT.
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly
-Langston Hughes
Of course, I had to share it.  It's only half a poem, but the second half doesn't really add anything for me, so I'm good with just those four lines. You can read the rest here if you're interested. You can also read all about Langston Hughes here or read more of his poetry here.

LOVE IT.

I'm not usually big on poetry, but I loved this one. I can now add it to the very few poems I love.
The only other one I love to death is The Riddle of Strider by J.R.R. Tolkien:
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
Sadly, it wasn't used in the movies where it should have been. The second half was said by Arwen during the Return of The King. I think it was when they were fixing the sword to give to Aragorn. But seriously, I don't care what kind of nerd it makes me, but it is my favourite poem ever.

What else do I love?? Kid Cudi's lyrics (amazing!!) and one unfrogettable line in Bilbo Baggin's birthday speech ("I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.").

Thursday 26 April 2012

Vegas?? YES!!

I've decided that while I'm at home unemployed I should learn something new.  Maybe I don't have enough awesomely random qualifications for jobs, so I'm gonna teach myself a few things I've always wanted to learn.  Or I guess learn more of or be better at.

So I've been reviewing what I know of HTML and learning some new stuff.  I'm also planning to learn CSS.  It's not so bad, since I know the basics of HTML.  Not too much, but enough that it makes sense and I can make you a basic site.  I'm sure it'll get more confusing once I get to frames.  Frames seem kinda crazy.  The CSS is gonna be more complicated too, I'm sure.  But hopefully I'll be able to create myself an awesome site!!  I like the idea of doing the whole blog myself.  Prolly not for this one, but maybe for Since You Asked...

I'm also trying to better my Spanish.  I'm super slow at reading and I suck at writing, so I've decided to fix that.  How you ask??  Well, not with a fancy class or anything.  I'm just gonna take out library books and read them.  Slowly.  That way, I'll eventually learn to read faster, and hopefully my vocabulary and writing will be better.  It's how I learned my awesome English, so hopefully it'll work the same way.  Also, hopefully I'll learn where the damn accents go.  'Cause I can't figure that shit out to save my life.

So those two are my goal.  Once I master those, I may move on to other things.  I also want to do a few more DIYs, but those require work, and I'm kinda lazy.  At least, too lazy to find out how to do what I want, then get the stuff I need, and then actually do it.  But you never know.  If I do, I'll definitely post them on here.  I also want to figure out a way to grow tomatoes on my balcony, but like the aforementioned DIYs, I'm lazy.

Also, I'm prolly going to Vegas in June with Jenn.  It's gonna kick ass!!  I found a deal where we can go for four nights, so leaving Monday morning and coming back Friday afternoon, for $566 (including taxes and everything).  That's for the flight and a room at the Luxor.  I'm kinda hoping we can do it, 'cause it'd be freaking awesome!!!!  We're gonna see if Jarx wants to come, but I don't know if he can get the time off (or if he and his gf already have plans for any possible time off). I plan to once again (and hopefully succeed this time) attemptto have a shot at every bar down the strip.  I was one away from the end last time and I will so do it this time!!  Although hopefully, it won't be followed by an almost 6 hour bus ride that I was still drunk for (at least I was at the beginning!!).

Unfortunately, there will sadly be no concert in New Jersey in May for me.  I'm gonna either be going camping or Tom's trailer.  I'm okay with either plan, I just wish Matt was coming with us.  I like spending time with him and I think he'd enjoy it, if he gave it a chance.  It makes me a little sad that he doesn't want to ever come.  But oh, well.  I'm sure I'll have an awesome time anyways!!


Thursday 19 April 2012

30 Days of Truth: Books that have changed my world.

17. A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Hmm. I've been thinking about this one, and I really can't come up with anything. I can't say that there are any books that have made me look at something differently or made me change my life in any kind of drastic way.

The closest I can come to books that have influenced or made changes in my life are "The Giver" by Lois Lowry, "Coming Home" by Rosamunde Pilcher, "The Third Magic" by Welwyn Wilton Katz, and "Animal Farm" by George Orwell.

None of them were epic, life-altering, opinion-changing books, but they did have an impact, in their own ways.

"The Giver" is the first book I remember reading and loving. I was like 9, I think, and I thought it was fantastic. It was the first book I'd read that wasn't set in a world that was like mine - they had different rules and customs and way of living. It made me realize that books could show me something different - a different life, world, situation - than mine, and that made me want to read more.  I started to read any and every book I could.  It was also the first book I read more than once.

Honestly, I didn't understand the word 'dystopia' until many years later, but even now, I love books about dystopian societies. "Number the Stars" by Lois Lowry, was also big for me, actually.  It was the first book I read about what the Jews went through during World War II.  It made me want to research more into it, although I didn't really do that until I read "The Diary of a Young Girl" by Anne Frank a year or two later.

"Coming Home" was the first book I read that I couldn't put down.  It wasn't anything fantastical or whimsical, but it was the first 'adult' book I'd read.  It's about a British girl living alone and growing up her parents abroad in Singapore (then Sri Lanka) and spanned from when she is 14 in 1935 until she's 24 in 1945.  This book was hardcover and approximately 700 or 800 pages.  I was only about 10 years old when I read it, but it made my thirst for books so much more pronounced.  I wanted more!!  And suddenly, I wasn't afraid to read books that weren't in the children's section.  It was incredibly liberating.  I was so proud of myself and I felt like a grown-up. Although it's been a few years since I read it (for the hundredth or so time!!), this book remains one of my favourites.

I found "The Third Magic" in a pile of books during 'reading time' at school, and it was the first fantasy book I read.  It was amazing!!  There was magic, and weird creatures, and laws and natural things that aren't like here at all.  I loved it!!  I read it over and over and over and over again.  The best part was that it was about a normal girl, living in 20th century Earth, that ended up somewhere else.  It was incredible.  Even now, those are my favourite kinds of books.  I'm pretty sure I was in grade six when I read it, so I would have been about 11 or 12.

I didn't read "Animal Farm" until I was about 15, and when I did, it spawned an intense love of all things Russian history for me.  I loved reading anything and everything I could get that was related to the Tsars and their stories.  I read anything and everything I could about the revolution and Russia's political life around that time.

So there you go.  Books that made an impact.  At least, those are the ones I can think of off the top of my head.

Sunday 15 April 2012

R.I.P. Lucky - the love of my life, the best friend I ever had.

As most of you know, one of the biggest loves of my life is an adorable, 12-year old bichon-poodle mix named Lucky, who is my baby.  On Friday, we had to make the most painful decision I can imagine, and we had to put him down.

I was sixteen when we first got Lucky, and I wasn't living with my mom at the time, although I moved back home not too long afterwards.  And even then, from the minute I saw him, my heart was his.  He was so full of life, so happy, so lovable and cute and cuddly.

I loved him instantly.

And he was so tiny!!  He could sit in the palm of my hand back then.  He slept in a bed we'd made, wrapped up in a blanket.  Sometimes he'd sleep with his arms around one of his stuffed toys. 

Back then, we lived on the first floor, and we didn't have a balcony, really.  Instead, our sliding door opened to a cement patio the same size and shape as the balconies, but with no fences. Beyond that was the grass and trees that were part of the building property.  So it was almost like a backyard.

Going outside was a game to Lucky.  As soon as you opened the door, he would run out, faster than any of us, and run around all over the place.  It would take all of us, and sometimes our friends, too, to catch him.  And even then, we'd need some sort of coordinated attack or he'd slip right past us.

Until one day, my mom threw a shoe at him.  After that, he would patiently wait until you would give him permission to go outside.

He used to love toast.  It was his treat back then, a piece of toast.  Then he got bored of that and it was a piece of cheese.  To his last day, he loved cheese.  He was the pickiest eater.  He loved perogies, but only if they has some sour cream.  And he loved salad, but only if it had three-cheese ranch dressing.  He loooooved frozen green grapes.  Not unfrozen, only frozen ones.  In the summer, when we got ice cream, we'd get him one too.  He liked vanilla, and we'd hold it so he could eat it right from the cone.

He loved to be near people, and his favourite spot to sit was right behind where you were standing. We had to learn for a while to look behind us before we stepped back.

He calmed down as he grew older.  He injured his back leg, so running and jumping became harder for him. We didn't have any other dogs, so he was never super comfortable with them.  He wasn't the kind to wander off and explore too far on his own, and even if we took him camping or wherever, he would stick near you.

He used to come to you when you were sad and lean against you until you hugged him.  He'd kiss your face and do his best to cheer you up.  He greet you at the door, happy, excited that you were home.  He'd go over and scratch at the couch, or at your door, or on your bed, until you let him up so he could sit with you wherever you were.  He loved car rides, and he loved to feel the air against his face as he stuck his head out the window, even in the middle of winter.  He loved his toys, and would sleep with them at night.  He knew what you meant when you said 'shower' or 'bath' and would run and hide.

Lately, he had been very sick.  We found out a few months ago he was diabetic, and it took a while to get his sugar to where we believed it was under control.  He lost about 8 or 9 lbs since Christmas (which is an incredible amount for an overweight 23-lbs doggie), and he was less lively than usual.  About three weeks ago, though, he started going blind. It started off normally, where he had a milky colour to his eyes and he slowly lost sight.  Then about two weeks ago they started turning slightly red (almost like a reflection, or red-eye in pics), and within the week they were red and there was a discharge.  A few days later, they were super swollen and slightly deformed.  By Wednesday of this week, they were swollen to the point it seemed like they would burst any minute.  There was also a small indentation in the middle of them, which is where all the discharge was coming out.  Since we don't have the $3000+ to fix everything, we couldn't help him.  We couldn't even use steroids to bring down the swelling, as they would possibly lead to liver failure for his already damaged liver.

Sadly, the choice was made, after the vet's recommendation, to put him down.


I don't think, ever my life, have I felt such heartbreak.  I feel like we failed him.  Like we could have fixed it but didn't, even though I know realistically we did what was within our means to do.

I feel like I lost a family member.  Like a little hole in my heart has been made and will never be filled.  I can't imagine another pet, or loving another one as much as I loved my baby.

He was my constant companion, spending his days laying next to me as I sent out emails or updated blogs, or read, or did whatever.  He would curl up like a baby in my arms, and cuddle next to when to sleep.

It hurts to know he's not here.  I can't hug him.  And I can't pet him.  I don't get to take him out, and see him run around in the sun.  I don't get to see him do his little somersault onto his back so he can wiggle around on the ground. I don't get to wake up to his scratching my door, and I'll never again get to sleepily let him in and cuddle with him on my bed. 

I hope that wherever he is, he is as happy, and as loved, as he was here.  I hope that maybe he's somewhere with my grandma, sitting on the couch next to her, watching TV and waiting for us to come home.

Thank you for all the years, and the memories, and the love.  I will never, ever, ever forget you, and I will love you until the day I die.  And even then, I'll hope you meet me wherever I'm going.

I love you.

Thursday 12 April 2012

Ugh. Today is no good.

I don't know what's wrong with me today.  I've bitten everyone's head off.  No one is immune.  Well, except Matt, but that may have been because he was on MSN and not in person.  Also, I like his kisses and cuddles, so that might help his immunity :)

Anyways...yes, angry.  I'm not sure what it is that's pissed me off so bad, but I can't seem to stop wanting to kill or destroy things (or people).

I guess today is just one of those days where all I can think of are the bad things in my life.  Ugh.  Days like today are the worst.

But on a happier note, I restarted my soccer blog.  It seems that I still get a shit-ton of hits per day, so I figured I'd do something about it.  Who knows??  Maybe someone will stumble across it and decide that they must hire me for a writing job.  It could happen!!

Anyways, I think that's about it for happy.  I should prolly call Tamara or Kasia or someone and maybe leave the little bubble I'm living in.  Maybe that will help??

Let's hope it does.  Otherwise, I may beat the crap out of something soon.

Tuesday 10 April 2012

Summertime advetures!!

So it's almost summer time, which means it's about that time for me to make a whole bunch of weekend plans in the hopes that at least half of them will happen.  Sadly, I don't always make realistic plans, so whatever.  As long as some happen, I'm happy.

What are these plans, you ask??  Well, let me just tell you all about them.

May 2-4 is the first upcoming long weekend, and I just can't decide what to do.  There are so many options!!  My sister and I talked about camping, but she may go with other friends instead.  Matt and I talked about maybe going to Ottawa, 'cause I really want to go for the tulip festival, but I'm not sure how doable this is.  There is also the Bamboozle festival in New Jersey (Saturday's show is Foo Fighter, Blink 182, All-American Rejects, Jimmy Eat World, and Anti-Flag!!!).  NJ may not be the nicest place (as learned on the last Bamboozle road trip), but the festival is pretty good.  To be honest, I'd really like to do the road trip/concert option, but it all depends on if Gaby gets off her ass and gets her goddamn passport!!

Then comes Canada Day.  It's a long weekend this year again, and I really like the idea of going to Ottawa for this one (which is why I'm not super sad if I miss the tulip festival).  I figure Matt's been there before, he can show me around.  I'm sure there's one or two places he liked.  I don't know if Matt can take the time away from work, but if he can, I'd really like to go.

For the August long weekend I really want to go camping at the Bruce Peninsula National Park, which is just south of Tobermory, ON.  It's incredibly beautiful there.  And since renting a cottage might be crazy considering we'll be going to El Salvador (and stopping in Dallas for a football game, eww), it might be a little better to go camping.  Camping is much cheaper and you can still enjoy the gorgeousness that's up there.  Also, I love camping.

I have other things I'd like to do, although those are way less likely to happen since I don't have a timeline or plan for them.  I'd like to do a weekend in Boston, or maybe in Chicago.  And more camping.  I looooooove camping.

I also plan to go skydiving.  Yes, I would like to jump out of a perfectly good, well-functioning airplane.  And as terrified of heights as I am, I know I'm gonna freaking love it!!  Also, zip lining.  I wanna go to Scenic Caves Nature Adventure in Collingwood and do their Eco Adventure Tour, which includes a suspension bridge, treetop walk, zip line, and cave tour. Doesn't that sound freaking awesome???  Thankfully that doesn't need a whole weekend, so it's perfectly doable.

I'm sure as the summer gets closer, I'll come up with more plans.  Let's just hope I can do most of them!!!

Friday 6 April 2012

My happy fiction writing hobby.

I used to hate writing fiction. Short story, outlines, characters - I hated all of it. There was absolutely nothing about it that I found appealing.  It was one of the reasons I hated English class in high school.

But then when I was doing my Media Foundations certificate at Humber, we had to take a class on writing. We couldn't get out of it. Most of the assignments weren't too crazy: book reviews, essays, news stories.  And finally, there was the dreaded assignment: a short story.

Of course, I hated this assignment.  Hated it.  But I sat down to write it.  And apparently I just couldn't stop - I wrote 1200 words over the limit. So after cutting and cutting and more editing, I handed it in.

When I got it back, I was not only surprised buy the 95% I got on it, but by the teacher's suggestion that I submit it to some contest and write more.

Really??  Me??  Write fiction??  Well, what an interesting idea.

Since then, I've been writing stories.  For the longest time I wrote short stories; they were maybe 1500 words or so each.  But then I decided I should write something longer.  And I've been working on some for a while now.

The problem isn't coming up with the idea - I have tons of those.  It's not even creating characters - I can do those pretty easily too.  The problem is that I get bored and start a new one.  The problem is that my attention span isn't long enough to finish one story.  Currently I'm working on (as in writing the story, not just planning) a few: In The Midst Of Lies, which is a crime thriller; a fan fiction story; a story that Wikipedia tells me is considered 'high fantasy'; and random short stories.

I have tons of characters in my head, and they all want to come out and tell me their story.  I just can't find the right mix of things - setting, plot, and characters - to make the story work properly.

I also try to plan out the story too much, I think, and I end up changing what I started with. It also happens often that I start writing and the story changes as I go and it ruins the carefully researched outline. Sometimes, though, I start writing with no idea of who the characters are, what the story is, or even what the next sentence will be!!  These are often pretty good, either for short stories or to build on. 

I do love the planning part: creating characters, coming up with plots and twists and secrets, creating worlds.  I love it.  I could plan book after book after book and never write anything.  Really, I have a shit-ton of characters amd creatures and plot ideas and locations and research.

Have I mentioned that I absolutely LOVE research??  I wish I could find a job as a researcher.  I'd love to research all day, every day.  That would be freaking incredible.  If someone knows of a research job, please let me know.  It'd make me so happy!!

Anyways, so I think I've got a story right now that might work out.  At least, it's looking pretty interesting.  Hopefully I'll be able to stick to it and actually write it all.  The story I see in my head is kinda awesome.

Writing fiction has become an escape for me.  when life gets to stressful or crazy or sad, I write a better world or an awesome adventure. I don't think I write with the idea of submitting my book anywhere, I just like to write.  Then again, if I finish, and I think I've written the best damn story there ever was, well, then I may just have to look around.  Maybe one day you'll see my name while walking through Chapters!! Wouldn't that be awesome??

That would be the best thing to ever happen in the history of all things that ever happened.

Monday 2 April 2012

Time for a bedroom update??

So for a while now I've been wanting to redo my bedroom.  I want it to look nice, like it belongs to an adult and not a design-challenged teenager.

The problem is that I want to move as soon as I can afford it.  End of summer, maybe September.  The gives me enough time to find a job and get past the probation period.  That way, I won't have the problem where I'm unemployed but have to pay rent and bills and shit.

But is it worth doing things to my room if I'm planning to move out within the next six months??  Probably not, right??

I may, however, do some changes that I can take with me. There's a few things I can think of to do that would make the room look better for now, and I think I can do them cheaply.  And since I can take them with me, I can incorporate them into whatever awesomeness I decide on later.

I really want to make a new headboard for my bed.  It's a fairly cheap Ikea bed, so it does a good job as far as beds go, but it's not super pretty.  The headboard that it has right now is basically untreated wood (see picture).  What I want to do is make a pretty fabric headboard and attach it to the wooden one the bed already has.  I've found a few different styles, and I think the one I'm gonna go for is either some sort of pattern print or maybe a plain one, but with some sort of button/tack decorations.  I haven't decided yet.  Maybe I should go look at some fabric, then decide?? 

I also found a site that shows me how to make a duvet cover out of any blanket I find, which is awesome!!  A lot of the duvet covers I like are way outside my current budget, and those I can afford aren't anything I like.   So the idea of finding a nice, warm, preferably fuzzy blanket and making it into a cover for my duvet makes me happy.  Of course I'll also have to make matching pillows.  Or maybe not matching.  I'm not big on matchy colours, as most of you know.  Not because I'm making a statement or 'cause it's my style, but because I don't care and/or I fail at anything design/style related.  Maybe I'll make fairly plain pillowcases that have words on them!!  Maybe from a book, maybe something funny, maybe just words I like!!  Ooooh, I like that plan.  Yes, that's what I'll do then.

I also want to change my necklace holder, since mine broke when I moved.  I found this awesome idea, which is basically just a towel holder.  You then use shower curtain holders to hold each necklace.  I think it's pretty freaking genius!!  That reminds me: I should actually start actually wearing my jewelry.

To be honest, I have a bunch of other small things I want to do.  Most of them I found on Pinterest, but a few I've been wanting to do for a while.

I'd like to do something with my dresser. Paint it, maybe??  It's not real wood, I don't think, so I'm not sure how that would end up.  But I guess we'll see, right??  The mirror that's attached to it is also kinda boring, but I have no idea how to dress that one up.  I'll keep looking and see what I can find. 

I'd really like to do a stencil on the wall, but I guess that can wait until I move.  I'd also like to make better curtains, or at least get a new curtain rod, but that may also just have to wait.

The picture on the right is something I'd definitely like to put on my wall. It's a picture made out of string. I'm thinking hearts or stars work.  I guess the colour would be whatever I decide to make my colour for the room (I'm still undecided between fuchsia, teal, and purple).

I might also teach myself (through Google, of course!!) how to make a few throw pillows and cushiony things for the bed.   I think I might need to invest in a sewing machine.  Anyone know where I can get one cheap??

I'm open to ideas, if anyone has anything they think I should do.  I just want it to look nicer.

And I'm also thinking of getting rid of all my movies.  Well, putting them away, not getting rid of them.  That'd be crazy!!!  Just putting some, maybe half, away and bringing up some books.  Or maybe just keeping one shelf of movies up here.  I can always bring them back out when I have a living room to put them in.  So maybe bringing up some books.  Or maybe just some (gasp!!) empty space.

I just hope I'll actually get around to doing all these things.  I think we all know how awesome I am at planning and preparing for things, and just how awesome I am at not finishing.  But I'll try.  I really do think that having a nice, comfy, homey space would make me feel happier and more relaxed, even if it is only for now.  Although I guess that means I'd also have to keep it clean...