3. What is your zodiac sign and does it fit our personality?
So I don't know too much about astrology. I've never been one to check my horoscope unless it's put in front of me. I have no idea what any of the signs are.
I know I'm aquarius, and I'm right at the end (I think Feb 19th is a different one), but to be honest, I don't know what that means. So I looked it up...and realized I don't care.
Aquarius has water as the symbol. I assume that means they like water. I like water - clear, warm, non-fish filled water. So I'm gonna say yes, that means it fits.
I know nothing else, and I don't really care to find out. All the sites will tell me something different, and it's all really a bunch of crap. But at least I answered the question, right??
Well, since my parents are divorced, I'll do this as two totally separate descriptions. Let's get the unhappy out of the way first: my dad.
I don't have a relationship with my dad. I think I've spoken to him once or twice in the last eight years or so, and I believe I've only seen him once. Do I miss him?? Sometimes. Do I wish it were different?? Not really. I used to, but not anymore. Does it hurt to know he doesn't care?? Yes. More than anyone can imagine. I do a good job of playing up the hate and the indifference, but it hurts. Every time I'm reminded, it hurts. There's a reason I can't watch movies where a dad apologizes for his mistakes to his children. I have to leave the room and cry my heart out.
He has a new family now. A new wife, new kids. We don't hear from him. The only time I hear anything about him is the few times we saw my aunt, who tried everytime to tell us we should forgive and move on and love him, like he wasn't a piece of shit douchebag that deserved our ire.
He was never there, he didn't help out, he didn't do anything but use us against each other, leave us with no thought when it suited him, and cry to us so we'd hate our mom. He made promises he never kept, plans he never followed through on, and promised a love that he never, ever showed.
There's a song I feel really describes how I feel. It's called "Emotionless" and it's by Good Charlotte. I've put it on my blog before, but I'll add it here again in case you want to hear it again. It's a good song. I think I'm angrier than the singer, but other than that, it's pretty close to how I feel.
As you can tell, I harbour a lot of bitterness and resentment still. I can't see that changing anytime soon. I have nothing agains his new kids, whom I consider my brothers. But when I go to El Salvador, I will not make plans to see him. And if he's there?? Well, let's just say he won't like it if he comes to talk to me.
On to the happier parental story: my mom.
My mom and I in 2010.
I love my mom. I don't feel there is anyone in my life that's a better role model than her. She gave up everything for us, and when shit got hard, she stuck it out for us. When my parents got divorced, she could have gone home to her family and her friends and forced us to grow up in El Salvador. But she didn't. Instead, she stuck it out alone, in a foreign country, with no family and no friends, without knowing the language, just so we could have a brighter future.
My mom looking hot on
her birthday, 2011.
She played mom and dad. She played boss and dictator. She played the bad cop. She played the good cop. And now she plays the best friend. Never did I not have a warm jacket or shoes. Never did I not have notebooks or pencils or a backpack. Never did I miss a school trip or a birthday or an event. Never did I not have something, small or not, to fill my tummy. Never did I have a Christmas where I didn't rip open presents and love them all. We were all taken care of and spoiled to the furthest extent she could spoil us. She bailed us out of jams, she helped us out, she listened, she gave advice, she was there. Now don't get me wrong, she's made her mistakes. She's said the wrong thing or brought the wrong people around or made the wrong choice. But you know what?? She's human. She's allowed mistakes. But in the end, she never left our side, and she never hesitated to drop everything and everyone for us.
My mom in the British Virgin Islands, Dec 2011.
I love that now that I'm older, I can go for dinner with her, or to a bar and get a drink and some nachos. I love that my friends love her. I'm glad I can talk to her. I like that we can go shopping or for dinner or just hang out and talk.
And I like her boyfriend, Aidan. He's a good guy and he makes her happy. He's gotten her to try a lot of new things, like sailing and scuba diving and pretty sure I'm sure she'll be skydiving soon. And she's finally taking vacations and going new places!! And she's made some awesome new friends and goes out every weekend and has fun.
She's happy now and finally living life, and I wish her the best and I hope she enjoys it. Stop thinking about anyone but yourself and have fun - you deserve it!!
So there you go, that's what the opposite ends of the parental spectrum looks like.
But at least I had one awesome parent, right?? I still think I'm lucky. My mom's more than enough, and I'll never be anything but glad that she's here and she love us. We love her more than anyone else. Hopefully she'll be around for a long while yet!! And in the meantime, we'll keep wishing her a happy mother's day and a happy father's day!!
So it's been a few months since I wrote on here, and I've decided I need to go back to writing and sharing my wonderful and oh-so-important opinion with you all. But first, an update on my life!!
Let's try to do this quickly, shall we??
Health: Okay now. I threw out my back and then had the flu, but I seem to be in okay working order now. Joined a gym (which had to be put in hold by the aforementioned health issues), but I'll be getting back into that in the next few days. I've even convinced Jenn to join!! Maybe we'll do some yoga?? I hear that's good for your back.
Work: None. I was on contract, and they ended it (rather abruptly, if you ask me!!), so I'm back to looking. I'm gonna try and find something writing related, although I'll be applying for admin too. I do not want to be unemployed for longer than a week. Or maybe two, since next week I need a day off. But after that...work!!
Living Space: I'm still at my mom's. I'm trying to be smarter this time and wait until I have a stable, full time, permanent job before I move. Sadly, that seems to be impossible for me to find. But once I do, I'm totally moving out!! Hopefully somewhere in Mississauga. And if not, somewhere near a highway so people will visit me.
Family: Gaby's off at McMaster, doing first year humanities, and Nelson's back Humber doing Network Engineering Technologist (I think??). I'm super happy for them. Jose and I haven't killed each other yet, so I'd say it's a success!! And my mom's happy and doing her thing with Aidan in Burlington.
School: I'm taking law classes at George Brown. I was thinking paralegal, but I've been advised that what I want to be (according to the image in my head) is a law clerk. So I'm gonna look into that.
Love: Matt and I are currently not together. It's pretty much my fault, and honestly, I'm not sure yet what the right decision is. It's been 3 days and I already miss him so much.
Life: Lots of partying. I've been to at least one party every weekend for the last two months. This Friday, there's a wedding (yeah for open bar and then hotel party!!) and then there's still a club bday, a house party bday, an open bar and 3-course meal bday, the Xmas dinner, the New Year's Burlesque Ball, and Malanka. I'm sure there's other stuff I'm missing, but that's what I can think of for the next two months. So yeah, there's been some good times had, and there's still more great times to come!!
Travel: None recently. I do want to, though. I think next weekend we're planning a day in the states, so at least I get to use my brand spanking new passport and leave the country. I know there's talk of getting a group and planning a week-long trip to somewhere, so hopefully next year we can do that. I'd also like to go to El Salvador, if I get the chance. Maybe for Easter?? I know they get a week off around that time. And for mine and Jenn's bday we'll hopefully do Vegas!!
So there you go. Now you're caught up in my life and everything. I can't promise I'll update anytime soon, 'cause, well, you know me. I'm not good at updates. Or keeping to schedule or being on time or anything like that.
22. Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.
There are a great many things I regret, although most of those are things I wish I'd done. So which one of the things I regret doing do I regret the most?? I have no idea.
I try to not regret my choices, because I don't really believe you can live happily if you wish you could take back everything you've done. That said, I also know you can't not regret anything, as there are always some things you just know were stupid.
So I'm gonna go with fucking up school. I won't even be specific about when, because, let's be honest, I've fucked up school pretty bad every time it counted: high school, all attempts at post-secondary....
I also wish I hadn't taken journalism, that I'd taken something more secure in college: paralegal, law clerk, some sort of tech. Even cabinetmakers have it easier. Journalism is super hard to break into. Or maybe I just suck as a writer?? It's also changed since the heyday of investigative journalism, which, to be honest, was the reason I got into journalism in the first place.
So there you have it. Maybe I'll write a normal update soon to go with this one. That'd be great, don't you think??
Well, shit. That's quite a lot of random facts. Okay, so let's see what I can come up with.
1. Horror movies can terrify the shit out of me. I love them, even the shitty ones, and am always up for watching them. But there are some movies that will have one moment, or one event, or one shot that scares me enough to not want to turn off my lights at night.
2. I've always felt really weird yelling during sporting events, even when I want nothing more than to yell at the players. I feel like everyone is watching and judging me.
Park in Toronto (left); islands in Georgian Bay (right).
3. I've always wanted to be a Photoshop genius, so I love to play around with it and find tutorials. I'm not terrible, but I definitely wouldn't hire me!!
4. I love music, but the creative process for it (writing lyrics, singing, instruments, etc) are my enemy. No matter what I do or try, I suck at anything besides listening to music. You should hear me sing. I'm pretty sure it's considered cruel and unusual punishment.
5. Painting and photography make me happy. Super happy.
6. I'm a super picky eater. I don't like peppers (of any colour), steak, mushrooms, most seafood (fishy tasting fish, mussels, calamari, clams, oysters, etc.), pickles, carrots, and celery. I can't take hot sauce. I won't even try offal (except chicken heart. Yummy!!). I dislike brussels sprouts and nutmeg.
7. I love making lists. I never follow them, and I often lose them, but I love making them.
8. Camping is one of my favourite things to do in the summer. Bruce Peninsula National Park is my favourite place, and I try to go at least once a summer (it books up pretty fast!!).
9. I've recently become addicted to the Food Network. I will watch anything with Bobby Flay or Michael Symon in it, which explains my new love of Iron Chef America. They make me happy, and I wish I could get cooking lessons from one of them. Or just hang out with them. I do also enjoy Diners, Dive-ins, and Dives.
10. I still consider El Salvador home, even though I've lived in Canada for 21 of the 28 years of my life.
11. I love traveling, and would prefer a backpacking or touristy vacation over a relaxing beach one any day, although I do love the beach more than anything and would try to fit at least one day in.
Original blog as it looked like when I left LJ in 2007.
12. I start new blogs all the time, most of which I get bored of fairly quickly. Brain Mush is the only that I always update (even if it's super sporadically). I've been updating it, first on Livejournal, then here on Blogger, since 2003.
13. One show I could watch forever is Buffythe Vampire Slayer. I can watch it non-stop, all day, everyday. And I can watch the musical episode, "Once More With Feeling," over and over and over again.
14. I love birthdays. Although I do, every so often, get the urge to have a small, intimate, relaxed birthday, I fully believe that birthdays should be celebrated all weekend and as loud and crazily as possible. I'm sure the low-key birthdays will happen more often as I get older, but next year will definitely be an awesome party!!
15. I live my life with music non-stop. I have music playing while I read, while I cook, while I'm in my room, when I shower, while I sleep, while I commute, on road trips, at work (if allowed), and just about any other time I can have music on.
16. I know almost all of the words to Empire Records. I say almost because the DVD version is not the same as the VHS version. I don't know who thought it was a good idea to change it, but they did. Also, I just watched the trailer I added in this post, and I think I'm gonna go watch the movie now.
17. I love live shows. Everything from concerts to plays to musicals. I love them and would watch them all the time if I could afford it. We Will Rock You was awesome, and I'm sad I missed Rock Of Ages. I do still hope to one day watch Phantom of the Opera live. I would love to see Wicked, or maybe a Shakespeare play. I also love shows like Riverdance, and would absolutely love to see Cirque du Soleil.
18. I have recently (as in the last two weeks) discovered One Tree Hill. I never watched it before, and now that I've seen a few episode, I want to watch all nine seasons. Only problem?? I want to beat the fuck out of Brooke. She's kind of annoying, but more than that, I hate her voice. And her facial expressions. And her attempts to act her heart out. She's lucky people like her in a tiny cheerleader outfit.
19. I'd rather wear skirts and dresses than jeans. I love track pants and yoga pants, but I feel weird wearing them when I go out for anything more than a quick errand. And I love heels and cork platform sandals more than anything, but I'm not used to wearing them anymore, and I don't want to deal with the pain of getting used to them, so I don't. So I wear flip-flops and Roxys instead.
20. Much Ado About Nothing is my favourite Shakespeare play. It's followed by Hamlet.
21. Scenario: Your friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do??
Well, unless my best friend slept with my boyfriend, physically hurt my family, set me up for a crime I didn't commit, or had me kidnapped and sold my organs, I'm pretty sure the first thing I'd do is rush to the hospital to make sure they're okay. We can always work our shit out later, but if there was an accident, then I'd need to make sure that I let my best friend know I'm there for them no matter what. No matter what stupid shit we fight about or what retarded shit we say to each other, 'cause those things don't matter in the end. I'd make sure they were okay, and see if they needed anything, and help out any way I could.
Unless they did one of those three things I mentioned (or something equally as bad). In that case, well, all I can say is, "Ha!! Good. I hope it hurts."
Yeah, I can be incredibly mean. If it helps, I'd also call or text them that. 'Cause there's no point in being a bitch about things if they don't know you're being a bitch about things.
So it's been a little over three weeks, and I still miss my baby. My Lucky. I still think I'm gonna see him when I leave my room. I still think he's about to scratch my door so I can let him in my room. I still wake up thinking that he should be on my bed.
I come home, and my heart breaks because no one is barking excitedly at me. No one is so happy I'm home that they run to see me so I'll pet them and hug them. I don't have him to take out for a walk. I don't have him to hug.
The love of my life. RIP Lucky.
I just want to hug him. Everyday, that's all I want to do. Just cuddle with him. Give him a kiss and tell him I love him
Every time I feel down, I look for him, because his hugs and cuddles soothe my every hurt. But he's not there, and it kills me every time I realize it.
I miss him so much. It still feels like there's a hole in my heart. I've always known that he was a part of the family, I just never though I'd have to say goodbye. I know it seems like I should have known, but I wasn't ready. I just want another few minutes with him. Is that so much to ask??
I went to Aidan's house last weekend to drop off my mom, and I went out into the backyard. Nelson showed me where they buried Lucky. Never in my life have I had such a strong urge to do something. But I can't dig him up and hug him, 'cause he's gone. And what's there isn't him. It breaks my heart to think of him, in the ground, cold and alone.
I always hated the phrases "Give it time," or "It will get better." Neither of those tell you how long it'll take. I just want someone to give me an actual timeline. Like, "It'll hurt for six months, but then you'll be okay." Something like that, so I know when this hole will stop feeling like it's drowning me in sadness.
I keep thinking that maybe if I had another puppy, I'd feel better. But then I feel like I'm replacing him. Is that crazy?? Regardless, no new puppy for me until I don't cry every time I see a puppy on TV. Or every time I think his name. Or every time I picture him.
I'm gonna make a shadow box to put in my room, and I'll take it with me wherever I go. I saved some of his toys, and I'll take a piece of his blanket and put it in. And a few pictures. I found some of his hair a few days ago from the last haircut I did (and it wasn't pretty, I cried for like an hour), so maybe I'll put some of that in there as well. I don't care how creepy it sounds.
That way, I'll always feel like I have a part of him. Something I can't forget. Something others can see and remember him by. Because he was my love and my baby, and he should never be forgotten.
I think that about sums it, right?? No?? Fine, I'll elaborate a little.
St. Patrick's Day, 2012. Made by Kasia.
So I started drinking when I was legal at 19... hahahaha, you didn't really believe that, did you?? It's almost as if you don't know me or something!!
So the first time I was drunk I was 14. Someone had gotten a lot of beers, and I drank many of them. They were gross, but it was the thing to do, you know?? And it was a good time.
I didn't actively start drinking again until I was about 17. That was when it became a common thing at parties. Kasia's parties were awesome!! And usually they involved lots of drinking.
Back then I was the queen of coolers. I loved Smirnoff Twisted in watermelon and green apple. And I loved Woody's Blueberry. But sadly, coolers started giving migraines. I don't know why. They're instant -- as in, I take a drink and less than five minutes later, I'm in pain. And if I drink coolers all night anyways (or even just like 3 or so), I'll throw up the next day as if I've drank my weight in vodka. Also, vodka is the tool of the devil (no, seriously, it is!!).
And that was when I discovered the greatness that is Captain Morgan. White rum, spiced rum, and (the best one!!) silver spiced rum. I love me some Captain. It is my go-to for all parties.
Lobsteritas from Red Lobster are super yummy!!
A few years ago I also discovered tequila. At first, I thought it was gross. But then I stopped being a moron and decided it was awesome!! Sadly, I can't drink gold tequila (instant migraines!!), so I drink silver. I have also learned that salt does NOT help. In fact, it makes it worse. So now I just do the shot and have a lemon (the green one. Yes, I know. Leave it alone.).
Patrón is now my drink of choice. It's not for everyday, 'cause $90 a bottle is crazy, but it's so good. Rum and coke is my usual drink, although I do enjoy amaretto sours, mojitos, and slushie margaritas.
Jello shots are awesome too. They're super fun!! And you can drink sooooo many of them!!
But drugs are bad. No drugs for me. If you do weed, I don't care (as long as I can't smell it, it gives me migraines). But anything harder than that and you're not welcome at my party. Just say no.
Now I'm really looking forward to camping!! So much rum to drink....
I'm not sure how many of you know, but secretly, I'm a Sunny D junkie. I love Sunny D. I could drink it forever. If I'm ever asked to get orange juice, that's what I'll get. So as a warning, don't ask me to get orange juice unless you want Sunny D. Or be specific about which one you want. And I always make sure to bring one or two bottles camping. It's so not good for you and so yummy tasting. It's so fake....and so good!! I love it.
So yesterday, while on a super quick Walmart run, I came across this aisle, and took a picture. It was like someone at Walmart actually went out of their way to make me happy. So I had to share it.
I'm not sure why someone decided that an entire aisle needed to be sunny D (it was half the regular yellow one, and half of the orange tangy one, which is why further down the colour changes), but they're freaking awesome!!
Of course I bought some. I had to. It called to me. Also, it was only $2 for the big bottle!!! If I'd taken more cash with me, I would so have bought more than one. It's not like they go bad or anything. Seriously, they're fake juice. That shit must last forever!! I should put some aside in case the zombies come or the Mayans are right. Ooooh, I'll make an underground bunker and fill it with Sunny D. Except...well...that would be a lot of work. Maybe I'll just fill my closet and hope my building doesn't blow up due to zombies/apocalypse.
But yes, sooooo tasty. I'm looking forward to breakfast, and the nice big glass of fake orange juice I'm gonna have with it. I don't even know what I'm gonna have for breakfast, but I know it'll include Sunny D.
'Cause there's just no better way to start the day than with fake, way-too-yellow, orange juice. Unless I was on a beach. Oooh, at the beach, drinking some Sunny D. With rum in it!! That'd definitely be a better way to start the day :)
19. What
do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
This one is much, much harder than the last one. I can't decide which question to answer. So I flipped a coin, and we'll be talking about...religion.
Hmmm. Where to start without pissing everyone off?? Well, I was baptized and raised as a Catholic. I went to a Catholic elementary school (go, go STM) and I had my first communion and confirmation. Then I went to a Catholic high school (yeah Pocock). I even joined Heart Ministry, which was the group led by the priest at our school and did things like food drives and Christmas baskets.
So what do I believe?? Well, I'm not faith-less. I'm not atheist (like I used to think I was). I just don't believe everything I'm told to believe or in the church (any of them) itself.
What does that mean?? I believe there is a god, although I don't really believe it's the god of any one particular religion. I mean, it could be Zeus for all I know. But really, I do believe there is a higher being. I'm not so sure about Jesus. I feel that Jesus could have been some guy that they picked to write about, although I admit I don't know, and I could very well be wrong. As for the Bible, well, I feel like it could have been written by anyone. And you hear all about these books that should have been in there but weren't because they said something different, and while they could all be lies, it's just enough to make me doubt them all.
I don't believe in priests absolving you of sins, and I don't believe confession is the key to Heaven. Honestly, I don't know if I believe in Heaven. I like the idea of reincarnation better, if for no other reason than it means we get another chance at life. But I don't believe that confessing your sins makes you clean and pure again. How can someone who kills a bunch of people, or rapes and tortures women, or hurts children, suddenly be okay because he told a priest all about it and said a few Hail Marys?? That doesn't make sense to me at all. They should be born again as a slug. Or, if I'm wrong and there is a Heaven and Hell, then they should burn forever.
Also, I'm all for gay marriage. I think being gay is something you are, not something you learn, and I believe they should have the same rights to a legal marriage as everyone else. I'm also all for birth control and pre-marital sex. Yeah, let's not pretend that it doesn't happen, 'cause it does. And I like things that will help keep all the pre-marital sex-havers baby-less.
Do I want to get married in a church?? Not really, but if it meant a lot to the person I was marrying, then I'd be willing to do it. I'd prefer a non-religious ceremony, if only because they're so long!! Also, there is that "obey" line I take offense to, although that's easily removable.
I could totally get more into it, but that's the basics. I don't think I'm missing anything super big.
There is a song by a Spanish singer named Ricardo Arjona that I feel really sums things up well. It's called "Jesus Verbo No Substantivo." My mom played it for me when I was younger, and I've loved it since then. He's got a bunch of songs that are awesome and fairly protesty. And he sings one of my favourite songs ever, called "El Problema." Too bad it's in Spanish and most of you can't understand it. Maybe look for a translation??
I guess you can always ask me later. I'll translate for you. Or, to be more honest, I'll email you a translation that I Googled, which you can really do yourself. Don't be lazy. Only one of us can be, and I'm already doing a great job at it.
So I wanted to talk to you about chicken soup. Yes, chicken soup. The food you're supposed to eat when you're sick, when you're down, when you're not feeling well.
The sad part is, most of the chicken soup I've seen here is kinda sad. A lot of it is the noodles in water with some chicken flavour. Sometimes they'll have a bit of veggies, but it's not a lot.
But my mom's chicken soup has always been really freaking awesome. It's fantastic. Whenever I make it, it comes out more like stew than soup, but I kinda like it that way. But I though I'd share the recipe, for those that are interested.
The ingredients may seem a little weird, but that's okay. And to be honest, you can play with the amounts as much as you want.
So here's what you do:
1. Fill a big pot with water. Put in the onion, garlic, chicken stock, salt, and skinless chicken. Let it boil, and leave it for about 20 minutes.
2. Remove the chicken. Put aside.
4. Put in the diced potatoes, sliced zucchini, and the sliced carrot. Feel free to add more or less of each vegetable as you want. Let that boil, and leave for about 5 minutes once it's boiling.
5. Add in the rice. I use Mr. Goudas Instant White Rice (the bag with the pink on it). Leave it for about five minutes once it starts boiling again.
6. Add the chicken and the green beans. Once it boils again, leave for about ten minutes.
7. Pour into bowl. Add avocado and lemon to taste (I like a lot of each).
Keep in mind that the more rice you add, the less water you'll have. If you like it soupy, try to start with a lot of water, or just add less rice. The one cup mentioned here leaves it soupier than I like. I would prolly use a cup and a half or two. I prefer it more like stew, with the lemon juice making it soupy. But I'm weird like that.
So there you have it. Simple enough, but awesomely tasty. I know it seems weird, but I promise you, it is incredible. Best chicken soup ever. This is what you want if you're sick. The lemon helps. Or at least, that's what I tell myself!!
Today, thanks to a Google search, I discovered Photomerge in Photoshop. I'm not sure how long that's been there, but WOW. Mind blown.
I've done a few panoramas, and I've painstakingly put them together myself. I tried to match them up (because who needs a tripod, right??) and get the colours to match and everything. I spent hours. Days. TIME.
And all along, there was a GODDAMN FUNCTION BUILT RIGHT INTO THE FREAKING PROGRAM.
Well, fuck. You just pick the pictures you want, and Photoshop puts them together for you, all matched up and everything. Even the colours are matched and even. I love it. I mean, I'm upset that I spent so much time when apparently pressing a button does it better, but love it.
Yeah, the program does a better job than I did. I must admit, though, mine doesn't look all that bad. I'm using it as the banner for my other blog, so I do really like that I can fix them and put them in. I have two others that I hope to fix, which were much more badly done than this one. And I spent so long doing them!! Although to be honest, my "hours" of work also included Facebook time, spaced out time, and reading time. Go ADD.
But so I think this might be my new obsession.Well, at least for like a week. Then, like always, I'll move on.
This is probably one of the easiest to answer. I don't care who you marry. I'm all for everyone being able to marry whoever they want. I don't believe the word "marriage" is a religious term, so I don't see any reason why it can't mean something besides the union between a man and a woman.
As far as I understant it, 'marriage' used to mean that, legally and politically. But it was changed (at least, it was here in Canada) to "the union between two people." Or something like that. I don't see why this is a problem.
I can see why people have a problem with changing the religious version, but honestly, we don't need that. As long as you're legally recognized, who cares if you can't get married in a church?? I mean, I don't even want to get married in a church, and I'm allowed to. It's not all great to have to stand there for an hour and agree to obey someone else.
Anyways, back to the original answer: I'm all for it.
I heard this poem in a movie today ("In My Country,"
if you're wondering), and I loved it. Abso-freaking-lutely LOVED it.
I'm now trying to find a way to put it up on my wall somehow: either in a
print, or in stencil, or wire, or something. Anything!! LOVED IT.
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly
-Langston Hughes
Of
course, I had to share it. It's only half a poem, but the second half
doesn't really add anything for me, so I'm good with just those four
lines. You can read the rest here if you're interested. You can also read all about Langston Hughes here or read more of his poetry here.
LOVE IT.
I'm not usually big on poetry, but I loved this one. I can now add it to the very few poems I love.
The only other one I love to death is The Riddle of Strider by J.R.R. Tolkien:
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
Sadly, it wasn't used in the movies where it should have been. The second half was said by Arwen during the Return of The King.
I think it was when they were fixing the sword to give to Aragorn. But
seriously, I don't care what kind of nerd it makes me, but it is my
favourite poem ever.
What else do I love?? Kid Cudi's
lyrics (amazing!!) and one unfrogettable line in Bilbo Baggin's
birthday speech ("I don't know half of you half as well as I should
like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.").
I've decided that while I'm at home unemployed I should learn something new. Maybe I don't have enough awesomely random qualifications for jobs, so I'm gonna teach myself a few things I've always wanted to learn. Or I guess learn more of or be better at.
So I've been reviewing what I know of HTML and learning some new stuff. I'm also planning to learn CSS. It's not so bad, since I know the basics of HTML. Not too much, but enough that it makes sense and I can make you a basic site. I'm sure it'll get more confusing once I get to frames. Frames seem kinda crazy. The CSS is gonna be more complicated too, I'm sure. But hopefully I'll be able to create myself an awesome site!! I like the idea of doing the whole blog myself. Prolly not for this one, but maybe for Since You Asked...
I'm also trying to better my Spanish. I'm super slow at reading and I suck at writing, so I've decided to fix that. How you ask?? Well, not with a fancy class or anything. I'm just gonna take out library books and read them. Slowly. That way, I'll eventually learn to read faster, and hopefully my vocabulary and writing will be better. It's how I learned my awesome English, so hopefully it'll work the same way. Also, hopefully I'll learn where the damn accents go. 'Cause I can't figure that shit out to save my life.
So those two are my goal. Once I master those, I may move on to other things. I also want to do a few more DIYs, but those require work, and I'm kinda lazy. At least, too lazy to find out how to do what I want, then get the stuff I need, and then actually do it. But you never know. If I do, I'll definitely post them on here. I also want to figure out a way to grow tomatoes on my balcony, but like the aforementioned DIYs, I'm lazy.
Also, I'm prolly going to Vegas in June with Jenn. It's gonna kick ass!! I found a deal where we can go for four nights, so leaving Monday morning and coming back Friday afternoon, for $566 (including taxes and everything). That's for the flight and a room at the Luxor. I'm kinda hoping we can do it, 'cause it'd be freaking awesome!!!! We're gonna see if Jarx wants to come, but I don't know if he can get the time off (or if he and his gf already have plans for any possible time off). I plan to once again (and hopefully succeed this time) attemptto have a shot at every bar down the strip. I was one away from the end last time and I will so do it this time!! Although hopefully, it won't be followed by an almost 6 hour bus ride that I was still drunk for (at least I was at the beginning!!).
Unfortunately, there will sadly be no concert in New Jersey in May for me. I'm gonna either be going camping or Tom's trailer. I'm okay with either plan, I just wish Matt was coming with us. I like spending time with him and I think he'd enjoy it, if he gave it a chance. It makes me a little sad that he doesn't want to ever come. But oh, well. I'm sure I'll have an awesome time anyways!!
17. A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Hmm.
I've been thinking about this one, and I really can't come up with
anything. I can't say that there are any books that have made me look at
something differently or made me change my life in any kind of drastic way.
None of them were epic, life-altering, opinion-changing books, but they did have an impact, in their own ways.
"The Giver" is the first book I remember reading and loving. I was like 9, I
think, and I thought it was fantastic. It was the first book I'd read
that wasn't set in a world that was like mine - they had different rules
and customs and way of living. It made me realize that books could show
me something different - a different life, world, situation - than
mine, and that made me want to read more. I started to read any and
every book I could. It was also the first book I read more than once.
Honestly, I didn't understand the word 'dystopia' until many years later, but even now, I love books about dystopian societies. "Number the Stars" by Lois Lowry, was also big for me, actually. It was the first book I read about what the Jews went through during World War II. It made me want to research more into it, although I didn't really do that until I read "The Diary of a Young Girl" by Anne Frank a year or two later.
"Coming Home" was the first book I read that I
couldn't put down. It wasn't anything fantastical or whimsical, but it
was the first 'adult' book I'd read. It's about a British girl living
alone and growing up her parents abroad in Singapore (then Sri Lanka) and spanned from when she is 14 in 1935
until she's 24 in 1945. This book was hardcover and approximately 700 or 800 pages. I was only about 10 years old when I read it, but it made my thirst for books so much more pronounced. I wanted more!! And suddenly, I wasn't afraid to read books that weren't in the children's section. It was incredibly liberating. I was so proud of myself and I felt like a grown-up. Although it's been a few years since I read it (for the hundredth or so time!!), this book remains one of my favourites.
I found "The Third Magic" in a pile of books during 'reading time' at school, and it was the first fantasy book I read. It was amazing!! There was magic, and weird creatures, and laws and natural things that aren't like here at all. I loved it!! I read it over and over and over and over again. The best part was that it was about a normal girl, living in 20th century Earth, that ended up somewhere else. It was incredible. Even now, those are my favourite kinds of books. I'm pretty sure I was in grade six when I read it, so I would have been about 11 or 12.
I didn't read "Animal Farm" until I was about 15, and when I did, it spawned an intense love of all things Russian history for me. I loved reading anything and everything I could get that was related to the Tsars and their stories. I read anything and everything I could about the revolution and Russia's political life around that time.
So there you go. Books that made an impact. At least, those are the ones I can think of off the top of my head.
As most of you know, one of the biggest loves of my life is an adorable, 12-year old bichon-poodle mix named Lucky, who is my baby. On Friday, we had to make the most painful decision I can imagine, and we had to put him down.
I was sixteen when we first got Lucky, and I wasn't living with my mom at the time, although I moved back home not too long afterwards. And even then, from the minute I saw him, my heart was his. He was so full of life, so happy, so lovable and cute and cuddly.
I loved him instantly.
And he was so tiny!! He could sit in the palm of my hand back then. He slept in a bed we'd made, wrapped up in a blanket. Sometimes he'd sleep with his arms around one of his stuffed toys.
Back then, we lived on the first floor, and we didn't have a balcony, really. Instead, our sliding door opened to a cement patio the same size and shape as the balconies, but with no fences. Beyond that was the grass and trees that were part of the building property. So it was almost like a backyard.
Going outside was a game to Lucky. As soon as you opened the door, he would run out, faster than any of us, and run around all over the place. It would take all of us, and sometimes our friends, too, to catch him. And even then, we'd need some sort of coordinated attack or he'd slip right past us.
Until one day, my mom threw a shoe at him. After that, he would patiently wait until you would give him permission to go outside.
He used to love toast. It was his treat back then, a piece of toast. Then he got bored of that and it was a piece of cheese. To his last day, he loved cheese. He was the pickiest eater. He loved perogies, but only if they has some sour cream. And he loved salad, but only if it had three-cheese ranch dressing. He loooooved frozen green grapes. Not unfrozen, only frozen ones. In the summer, when we got ice cream, we'd get him one too. He liked vanilla, and we'd hold it so he could eat it right from the cone.
He loved to be near people, and his favourite spot to sit was right behind where you were standing. We had to learn for a while to look behind us before we stepped back.
He calmed down as he grew older. He injured his back leg, so running and jumping became harder for him. We didn't have any other dogs, so he was never super comfortable with them. He wasn't the kind to wander off and explore too far on his own, and even if we took him camping or wherever, he would stick near you.
He used to come to you when you were sad and lean against you until you hugged him. He'd kiss your face and do his best to cheer you up. He greet you at the door, happy, excited that you were home. He'd go over and scratch at the couch, or at your door, or on your bed, until you let him up so he could sit with you wherever you were. He loved car rides, and he loved to feel the air against his face as he stuck his head out the window, even in the middle of winter. He loved his toys, and would sleep with them at night. He knew what you meant when you said 'shower' or 'bath' and would run and hide.
Lately, he had been very sick. We found out a few months ago he was diabetic, and it took a while to get his sugar to where we believed it was under control. He lost about 8 or 9 lbs since Christmas (which is an incredible amount for an overweight 23-lbs doggie), and he was less lively than usual. About three weeks ago, though, he started going blind. It started off normally, where he had a milky colour to his eyes and he slowly lost sight. Then about two weeks ago they started turning slightly red (almost like a reflection, or red-eye in pics), and within the week they were red and there was a discharge. A few days later, they were super swollen and slightly deformed. By Wednesday of this week, they were swollen to the point it seemed like they would burst any minute. There was also a small indentation in the middle of them, which is where all the discharge was coming out. Since we don't have the $3000+ to fix everything, we couldn't help him. We couldn't even use steroids to bring down the swelling, as they would possibly lead to liver failure for his already damaged liver.
Sadly, the choice was made, after the vet's recommendation, to put him down.
I don't think, ever my life, have I felt such heartbreak. I feel like we failed him. Like we could have fixed it but didn't, even though I know realistically we did what was within our means to do.
I feel like I lost a family member. Like a little hole in my heart has been made and will never be filled. I can't imagine another pet, or loving another one as much as I loved my baby.
He was my constant companion, spending his days laying next to me as I sent out emails or updated blogs, or read, or did whatever. He would curl up like a baby in my arms, and cuddle next to when to sleep.
It hurts to know he's not here. I can't hug him. And I can't pet him. I don't get to take him out, and see him run around in the sun. I don't get to see him do his little somersault onto his back so he can wiggle around on the ground. I don't get to wake up to his scratching my door, and I'll never again get to sleepily let him in and cuddle with him on my bed.
I hope that wherever he is, he is as happy, and as loved, as he was here. I hope that maybe he's somewhere with my grandma, sitting on the couch next to her, watching TV and waiting for us to come home.
Thank you for all the years, and the memories, and the love. I will never, ever, ever forget you, and I will love you until the day I die. And even then, I'll hope you meet me wherever I'm going.
I don't know what's wrong with me today. I've bitten everyone's head off. No one is immune. Well, except Matt, but that may have been because he was on MSN and not in person. Also, I like his kisses and cuddles, so that might help his immunity :)
Anyways...yes, angry. I'm not sure what it is that's pissed me off so bad, but I can't seem to stop wanting to kill or destroy things (or people).
I guess today is just one of those days where all I can think of are the bad things in my life. Ugh. Days like today are the worst.
But on a happier note, I restarted my soccer blog. It seems that I still get a shit-ton of hits per day, so I figured I'd do something about it. Who knows?? Maybe someone will stumble across it and decide that they must hire me for a writing job. It could happen!!
Anyways, I think that's about it for happy. I should prolly call Tamara or Kasia or someone and maybe leave the little bubble I'm living in. Maybe that will help??
Let's hope it does. Otherwise, I may beat the crap out of something soon.
So it's almost summer time, which means it's about that time for me to make a whole bunch of weekend plans in the hopes that at least half of them will happen. Sadly, I don't always make realistic plans, so whatever. As long as some happen, I'm happy.
What are these plans, you ask?? Well, let me just tell you all about them.
May 2-4 is the first upcoming long weekend, and I just can't decide what to do. There are so many options!! My sister and I talked about camping, but she may go with other friends instead. Matt and I talked about maybe going to Ottawa, 'cause I really want to go for the tulip festival, but I'm not sure how doable this is. There is also the Bamboozle festival in New Jersey (Saturday's show is Foo Fighter, Blink 182, All-American Rejects, Jimmy Eat World, and Anti-Flag!!!). NJ may not be the nicest place (as learned on the last Bamboozle road trip), but the festival is pretty good. To be honest, I'd really like to do the road trip/concert option, but it all depends on if Gaby gets off her ass and gets her goddamn passport!!
Then comes Canada Day. It's a long weekend this year again, and I really like the idea of going to Ottawa for this one (which is why I'm not super sad if I miss the tulip festival). I figure Matt's been there before, he can show me around. I'm sure there's one or two places he liked. I don't know if Matt can take the time away from work, but if he can, I'd really like to go.
For the August long weekend I really want to go camping at the Bruce Peninsula National Park, which is just south of Tobermory, ON. It's incredibly beautiful there. And since renting a cottage might be crazy considering we'll be going to El Salvador (and stopping in Dallas for a football game, eww), it might be a little better to go camping. Camping is much cheaper and you can still enjoy the gorgeousness that's up there. Also, I love camping.
I have other things I'd like to do, although those are way less likely to happen since I don't have a timeline or plan for them. I'd like to do a weekend in Boston, or maybe in Chicago. And more camping. I looooooove camping.
I also plan to go skydiving. Yes, I would like to jump out of a perfectly good, well-functioning airplane. And as terrified of heights as I am, I know I'm gonna freaking love it!! Also, zip lining. I wanna go to Scenic Caves Nature Adventure in Collingwood and do their Eco Adventure Tour, which includes a suspension bridge, treetop walk, zip line, and cave tour. Doesn't that sound freaking awesome??? Thankfully that doesn't need a whole weekend, so it's perfectly doable.
I'm sure as the summer gets closer, I'll come up with more plans. Let's just hope I can do most of them!!!
I used to hate writing fiction. Short story, outlines, characters - I hated all of it. There was absolutely nothing about it that I found appealing. It was one of the reasons I hated English class in high school.
But then when I was doing my Media Foundations certificate at Humber, we had to take a class on writing. We couldn't get out of it. Most of the assignments weren't too crazy: book reviews, essays, news stories. And finally, there was the dreaded assignment: a short story.
Of course, I hated this assignment. Hated it. But I sat down to write it. And apparently I just couldn't stop - I wrote 1200 words over the limit. So after cutting and cutting and more editing, I handed it in.
When I got it back, I was not only surprised buy the 95% I got on it, but by the teacher's suggestion that I submit it to some contest and write more.
Really?? Me?? Write fiction?? Well, what an interesting idea.
Since then, I've been writing stories. For the longest time I wrote short stories; they were maybe 1500 words or so each. But then I decided I should write something longer. And I've been working on some for a while now.
The problem isn't coming up with the idea - I have tons of those. It's not even creating characters - I can do those pretty easily too. The problem is that I get bored and start a new one. The problem is that my attention span isn't long enough to finish one story. Currently I'm working on (as in writing the story, not just planning) a few: In The Midst Of Lies, which is a crime thriller; a fan fiction story; a story that Wikipedia tells me is considered 'high fantasy'; and random short stories.
I have tons of characters in my head, and they all want to come out and tell me their story. I just can't find the right mix of things - setting, plot, and characters - to make the story work properly.
I also try to plan out the story too much, I think, and I end up changing what I started with. It also happens often that I start writing and the story changes as I go and it ruins the carefully researched outline. Sometimes, though, I start writing with no idea of who the characters are, what the story is, or even what the next sentence will be!! These are often pretty good, either for short stories or to build on.
I do love the planning part: creating characters, coming up with plots and twists and secrets, creating worlds. I love it. I could plan book after book after book and never write anything. Really, I have a shit-ton of characters amd creatures and plot ideas and locations and research.
Have I mentioned that I absolutely LOVE research?? I wish I could find a job as a researcher. I'd love to research all day, every day. That would be freaking incredible. If someone knows of a research job, please let me know. It'd make me so happy!!
Anyways, so I think I've got a story right now that might work out. At least, it's looking pretty interesting. Hopefully I'll be able to stick to it and actually write it all. The story I see in my head is kinda awesome.
Writing fiction has become an escape for me. when life gets to stressful or crazy or sad, I write a better world or an awesome adventure. I don't think I write with the idea of submitting my book anywhere, I just like to write. Then again, if I finish, and I think I've written the best damn story there ever was, well, then I may just have to look around. Maybe one day you'll see my name while walking through Chapters!! Wouldn't that be awesome??
That would be the best thing to ever happen in the history of all things that ever happened.
So for a while now I've been wanting to redo my bedroom. I want it to look nice, like it belongs to an adult and not a design-challenged teenager.
The problem is that I want to move as soon as I can afford it. End of summer, maybe September. The gives me enough time to find a job and get past the probation period. That way, I won't have the problem where I'm unemployed but have to pay rent and bills and shit.
But is it worth doing things to my room if I'm planning to move out within the next six months?? Probably not, right??
I may, however, do some changes that I can take with me. There's a few things I can think of to do that would make the room look better for now, and I think I can do them cheaply. And since I can take them with me, I can incorporate them into whatever awesomeness I decide on later.
I really want to make a new headboard for my bed. It's a fairly cheap Ikea bed, so it does a good job as far as beds go, but it's not super pretty. The headboard that it has right now is basically untreated wood (see picture). What I want to do is make a pretty fabric headboard and attach it to the wooden one the bed already has. I've found a few different styles, and I think the one I'm gonna go for is either some sort of pattern print or maybe a plain one, but with some sort of button/tack decorations. I haven't decided yet. Maybe I should go look at some fabric, then decide??
I also found a site that shows me how to make a duvet cover out of any blanket I find, which is awesome!! A lot of the duvet covers I like are way outside my current budget, and those I can afford aren't anything I like. So the idea of finding a nice, warm, preferably fuzzy blanket and making it into a cover for my duvet makes me happy. Of course I'll also have to make matching pillows. Or maybe not matching. I'm not big on matchy colours, as most of you know. Not because I'm making a statement or 'cause it's my style, but because I don't care and/or I fail at anything design/style related. Maybe I'll make fairly plain pillowcases that have words on them!! Maybe from a book, maybe something funny, maybe just words I like!! Ooooh, I like that plan. Yes, that's what I'll do then.
I also want to change my necklace holder, since mine broke when I moved. I found this awesome idea, which is basically just a towel holder. You then use shower curtain holders to hold each necklace. I think it's pretty freaking genius!! That reminds me: I should actually start actually wearing my jewelry.
To be honest, I have a bunch of other small things I want to do. Most of them I found on Pinterest, but a few I've been wanting to do for a while.
I'd like to do something with my dresser. Paint it, maybe?? It's not real wood, I don't think, so I'm not sure how that would end up. But I guess we'll see, right?? The mirror that's attached to it is also kinda boring, but I have no idea how to dress that one up. I'll keep looking and see what I can find.
I'd really like to do a stencil on the wall, but I guess that can wait until I move. I'd also like to make better curtains, or at least get a new curtain rod, but that may also just have to wait.
The picture on the right is something I'd definitely like to put on my wall. It's a picture made out of string. I'm thinking hearts or stars work. I guess the colour would be whatever I decide to make my colour for the room (I'm still undecided between fuchsia, teal, and purple).
I might also teach myself (through Google, of course!!) how to make a few throw pillows and cushiony things for the bed. I think I might need to invest in a sewing machine. Anyone know where I can get one cheap??
I'm open to ideas, if anyone has anything they think I should do. I just want it to look nicer.
And I'm also thinking of getting rid of all my movies. Well, putting them away, not getting rid of them. That'd be crazy!!! Just putting some, maybe half, away and bringing up some books. Or maybe just keeping one shelf of movies up here. I can always bring them back out when I have a living room to put them in. So maybe bringing up some books. Or maybe just some (gasp!!) empty space.
I just hope I'll actually get around to doing all these things. I think we all know how awesome I am at planning and preparing for things, and just how awesome I am at not finishing. But I'll try. I really do think that having a nice, comfy, homey space would make me feel happier and more relaxed, even if it is only for now. Although I guess that means I'd also have to keep it clean...
16. Someone or something you definitely could live without.
I don't really get this one. Am I supposed to say something like my dad and debt?? Or something like disease and famine?? 'Cause I could live without either.
And really, if I could live without something, shouldn't I have gotten rid of it by now?? Shouldn't I have done my best to not have it in my life??
I guess I should talk about stuff I do have in my life that I wish wasn't there but isn't easy to just get rid of. So although it would be nice if disease and famine were eradicated, that's so not what this question is asking.
So I'll stick with my dad and debt.
I'm not sure that those really need an explanation. If you don't know why I don't want my dad in my life, you should probably just read a few posts back. And if you don't know why debt is shitty, well, then let's trade!!
15. Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (Finally halfway!!!)
So this one was a little tricky. First, I really don't like the idea that I couldn't continue on or would fall to pieces without someone or something, so I've decided to treat this as a "wouldn't want to" as opposed to "couldn't." Secondly, there are a lot of things or people I wouldn't want to live without, but I haven't tried to or experienced it. So all the obvious ones (my mom, my family, Matt, Lucky, etc) don't fit here.
So after a bit of thinking, I've decided on two things: frequent contact with my mom and my little pillow.
I cannot imagine any kind of situation, other than short-term ones like vacations, where I would be okay with not talking to my mom at least every few days. I was in Montreal for a summer, and I've spent time not living at home with her (either on my own or with my dad), and not being able to talk to her was always terrible. I mean, I can do it for a few days, and if there's a vacation or something involved I can deal, but prolonged, deliberate not talking?? Terrible.
If someone had told me, when I was a teenager, how much I'd need even a short conversation with her, I might have laughed at them. I probably would have gone on about how she didn't care, or I didn't care, or she wouldn't notice anyways. I was a pretty angry kid. But yeah, need to talk to her.
The other thing is my little pillow. for those of you who don't know (although, really, who doesn't know??) my grandma made me a small pillow when I was born. It's nothing elaborate, it's seriously just a small pillow. But like I just said, I've had it since I was born. It always has to come with me on trips and be near me when I sleep. The only time I can sleep without it is when I'm with Matt, and even then I miss it sometimes.
Honestly, the idea of losing it terrifies me more that you can imagine. It's a part of me. It's been around just as long as I have!! And it's always been at my side. Always. I've cried tears into it; screamed in frustration into it; punched it in anger; hugged it when I was lonely; and laughed into it when I was happy. It's necessary for me. If I go, it comes with me.
There's been a few times I've gone somewhere and forgot it, and believe me, it wasn't pretty!! I've tried vacations and weekends without it. And all I've learned is that it's for the best if I pack it. There was also the one time I actually left it behind in the unmade bed at the hotel in Vegas, and only the fact that Jarx thought to check the bed before we left saved it (thanks, Jarx!!).
So there you go. Two things I wouldn't want to live without.
