30 Days of Truth: Things I don't want to live without.

15. Some­thing or some­one you couldn’t live with­out, because you’ve tried liv­ing with­out it. (Finally halfway!!!)

 So this one was a little tricky. First, I really don't like the idea that I couldn't continue on or would fall to pieces without someone or something, so I've decided to treat this as a "wouldn't want to" as opposed to "couldn't." Secondly, there are a lot of things or people I wouldn't want to live without, but I haven't tried to or experienced it. So all the obvious ones (my mom, my family, Matt, Lucky, etc) don't fit here.

So after a bit of thinking, I've decided on two things: frequent contact with my mom and my little pillow. I cannot imagine any kind of situation, other than short-term ones like vacations, where I would be okay with not talking to my mom at least every few days. I was in Montreal for a summer, and I've spent time not living at home with her (either on my own or with my dad), and not being able to talk to her was always terrible. I mean, I can do it for a few days, and if there's a vacation or something involved I can deal, but prolonged, deliberate not talking?? Terrible.

If someone had told me, when I was a teenager, how much I'd need even a short conversation with her, I might have laughed at them. I probably would have gone on about how she didn't care, or I didn't care, or she wouldn't notice anyways. I was a pretty angry kid. But yeah, need to talk to her.

 The other thing is my little pillow. for those of you who don't know (although, really, who doesn't know??) my grandma made me a small pillow when I was born. It's nothing elaborate, it's seriously just a small pillow. But like I just said, I've had it since I was born. It always has to come with me on trips and be near me when I sleep. The only time I can sleep without it is when I'm with Matt, and even then I miss it sometimes.

 Honestly, the idea of losing it terrifies me more that you can imagine. It's a part of me. It's been around just as long as I have!! And it's always been at my side. Always. I've cried tears into it; screamed in frustration into it; punched it in anger; hugged it when I was lonely; and laughed into it when I was happy. It's necessary for me. If I go, it comes with me.

There's been a few times I've gone somewhere and forgot it, and believe me, it wasn't pretty!! I've tried vacations and weekends without it. And all I've learned is that it's for the best if I pack it. There was also the one time I actually left it behind in the unmade bed at the hotel in Vegas, and only the fact that Jarx thought to check the bed before we left saved it (thanks, Jarx!!).

 So there you go. Two things I wouldn't want to live without.