'Cause I know that you're not there, and I know that you don't care....

I close my eyes, and all I see is you....
I close my eyes, I try to sleep, I can't forget you...
And I'd do anything for you....

I'd do anything, just to hold you in my arms...
I'd do anything, just to fall asleep with you...
-----

I'm telling you, that's the worst song to listen to when you're feeling depressed. Very bad. Stupid Simple Plan and their damn emo songs. You know what else is bad?? Backstreet Boys' "I Still". Such a good song, but not when you're feeling down.

But yeah, so I don't know what happened. Everything was going great today, and then I just felt like shit. It sucks.

So Ela came over at 7 am. Had breakfast, then went to the driving place. We got there at 8:34. 14 minutes after it opened. Man, was it packed. So we waited forever!! And then me and my mom went in and wrote our tests. And we both passed!! So yes, I got my G1. And I did clarify it with the lady there, and I don't have to wait the 8 months for my G2. So I'm trying to do it next week. That way, I can have my car!!!

And so Ela was telling us about going to Germany for the summer. And so I've decided that I may cancel the Mardi Gras trip, and instead, go visit her for her birthday in Germany. It'd be awesome!! I've never been to Europe, and I wouldn't even have to pay for a hotel!!! But it all depends on if she gets hired, really. We'll have to wait and see how it goes.

So yeah, then I went to buy the rest of Becky's baby gift. I found a few cute things. But my sister convinced met o buy them in yello and green, which seems more boy than girl. I'm hoping they come off as neutral, but I don't really know. But oh, well. I like what I bought. It's nice.

And so I went to look at cell phones. I want a new one, and I want a plan, so I have to get a contract. The deal they have now is awesome, so I'm gonna get it. I like two of the phones, one is a BlackBerry, and one is a new one with video conferencing. I know, I don't need video conferencing, but the phone is so pretty. So I'm going tomorrow to pick it up.

Anyways, so then I came back home, watched Eragon, and ate pupusas. So really, overall, a good day. And then I read a book. Yes, a whole book. And then I decided to check facebook. And I saw pics of Anthony, and for some weird reason that I can't explain, I missed him more than ever. And I felt like I was back in Montreal with all that pain. And all I wanted to do was cry. And I can't explain why. Why now, so much later, I feel like this.

I know it'll pass. It's prolly just a panic attack and I associated it with him because I was looking at pictures with him. But you know, it sucks.

I wanted to call him, and yell at him, and ask him why. Thankfully, I realized that would be stupid. I have yet to call him since we broke up, so I don't see why I would start now. Well, there was that one time I was trying to call my cell phone and accidentally called his, but I don't count it because I hung up after one ring. But besides that, I have not called him. And I no longer even have him on facebook or msn.

I should pretend he doesn't exist.

You know what sucks, now, though?? I was thinking about Drew and Becky having their baby, and I realized something. It's now even further from me. A family. I mean, I don't really know if I thought me and Anthony were gonna get married and live happily ever after, but it just seemed like a family was possible. Right now, it seems like it'll never happen.

And I'm not saying I want a baby right now, but I was hoping for like 2 or 3 years or so from now, not another 5 or 6.

Anyways, I should go to bed. I have to do laundry tomorrow morning, and then go to the mall to get my new phone and a gift bag before going to the baby shower. And you'll see, I won't get any of that done. Hahaha, I'm awesome with the procrastination.

Anyways, nighty night.
~Susana

Such a good day. Why did this have to happen??