So I've had 5 bofriends. 4 of them I dated for a month or so (well, one I dated twice, for a month each time), and one of them for 4 years. So should I really feel alone right now?? Shouldn't I be enjoying my single time?? I think it's about time I get to enjoy being an adult and single. Have some fun with it. I mean, right now, I have no one tying me down. I can go where I want, when I want. And in like two or three weeks, I'll have a car, and I'll be able to go more places and do more things than before.
Think about it. In the last four months (yes, it's been that long), I've been to Montreal and Quebec City, I've been to Ohio, I've been to Vegas, I've been to countless other weekend trips (Collingwood, cottage, etc.). Should I really feel bad??
I mean, so far, he's gone nowhere. He's still doing the same exact thing he was doing when we ended. He's still working part-time at the same store. Same hours, prolly. He's still living with his parents, with his grandma doing his everything. He's still always short on money. He still hasn't gone anywhere.
I should be happy. Obviously, I've come out better for this. I've progressed, I've moved ahead. I've gotten a good job, travelled, and am planning to travel more. I've made many new friends. Some which I'll be friends with for a long time to come.
And yet I haven't moved on. Sad, I know. But I haven't. I've been doing better, yes. But not moved on. And I really have no idea how long it'll take to completely be past this.
I think it doesn't help that ever since we broke up, he's been with someone. He's always had someone there. He hasn't missed that. I, on the other hand, don't have that. I've had offers, but nothing that would last more than the night, really. And yeah, I'm sure the night would be fun, and I'm not ruling it out as something I would never do, but right now, it's not something I want either. I want someone to make me happy, and make me feel wanted, and make me feel safe. Someone to put their arms around me and make everything better. And for a while, he was that person. Now he's not for me anymore, but he still is for someone else. And I don't have that, and I think that's what makes it harder.
And it's not because of him, really, or because I miss him. I miss having someone. And I wish he could feel what I feel, missing that.
But you know, I saw her picture. And really, I think it's kinda funny. I mean, I may have my flaws, but that's what he picks over me?? Hahaha, he can have her.
And why is he still wearing my sweaters???? He calls me and tells me that he wants his shit back, and that my stuff will be at Tom's by the weekend, and yet it's all shit. He's in pictures, wearing my sweater. The sweater I bought when I met Jarx, and I used to steal his. The black Exco sweater. Some of you will know what I'm talking about. And he's still fucking wearing it!! When he's with her!! He better not be letting her whorish ass wear it!!
Back to what I was saying.....what was I saying?? Whatever, I lost my train of thought.
So I've decided that for my bday, I'm definately going somewhere. I haven't decided where yet, but I have time. I like the New Orleans plan. I've always wanted to go to Mardi Gras. And if no one else wants to come at all, then I'll just hop on a plane and go stay at my Tia Monze's house in LA. That wouldn't be too bad. And I could see the ocean!!
Wow, this post is pointless rambling. Okay, time to stop. And go to bed. Maybe for once go to bed early and get a good night's sleep.
Nighty night.
~Susana
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