A few questions that I need to know
How you could ever hurt me so
I need to know what I've done wrong
And how long it's been going on
Was it that I never paid enough attention?
Or did I not give enough affection?
Not only will your answers keep me sane
But I'll know never to make the same mistake again
You can tell me to my face
Or even on the phone
You can write it in a letter,
Either way, I have to know
Did I never treat you right?
Did I always start the fight?
Either way, I'm going out of my mind
All the answers to my questions
I have to find
----------------------
Yeah, I know. The journal title and the song part I picked contradict each other. And it doesn't make sense to feel both at once.....Welcome to my world. It sucks feeling both.
So I don't know what I want to do with my life. I do want to finish school and all that, but I have no idea what I want to do. I'm thinking marketing now. It's kinda like advertising, in a weird way, but it doesn't involve the kind of creative thinking process that advertising does. I found a part time certificate for it at U of T, so I'm thinking of doing that. Only problem is that I want to go to school with lots of new ppl, and maybe go live somewhere else, meet new ppl. Maybe I'm just a little jealous. Both Kasia and Jack got to meet new people this year in school. I mean, I met tons of people in Montreal, but I think I want to meet people I can hang out with often. I don't really see any of the Montreal girls here, and the ones I really liked hanging out with live way too far away.
But I can't do it all. The car, the travel, full-time school. Which is why I'm willing to do part-time school, so I can still have the car and do the travelling. Hopefully it works out for me. I don't know, maybe I'll get the certificate, and then do the option to switch it to a degree and keep going from there. We'll have to see how that goes.
And yeah, I've been looking into Mardi Gras. It's gonna cost about $1200. About $550 for the flight, $300 for the room, and the rest for food and drinking. And that's if the room is split by 4 ppl. It seems like more than most people will want to spend. But I mean, we did almost the same for Vegas, and that was only 3 days. And this hotel would put us on Bourbon St fot the Mardi Gras parade. Right in the middle of the party. I don't know, I'll have to look more into it, see if people are interested. Hopefully it's doable, I'd really like to. I've always wanted to go. I mean, if I don't get to this year, maybe I'll start planning for next year.
And so Drew and Becky had their baby. A girl. I don't know more than that. Don't know the weight, the time, the name....nothing!! I hope everything went well and that both Becky and the baby are doing great.
I am jealous, though. I want one. I just didn't realize how much I wanted one until someone else has one. So sad, it's years away for me. I feel like I'm still a kid, and then I realize I'm 23 and an adult. So why the hell aren't I living the life of an adult?? Maybe I am, and I just don't see it.
I don't know. Lately I've been really down and thinking too much crap. Like about babies. And Anthony. Stupid fucker. I can't get him out of my head. Nicole says it's normal, but then why do I feel like I've gone backwards in time to when we first broke up?? I need to stop this. Nicole also said it's because I need a boy to help me move on, and I think that's true. Is that pathetic?? Because it seems, to me, like it should be. It's horrible. Why do I need a boy?? But I know she's right, and I miss having a boy. See, I think it's only this hard because he has someone else. Seriously. Because I don't feel he ever felt bad or missed me. So it's hard. Maybe if I had a new boy, it'd be like the movies. Where he sees me happy with someone else, and then he wants me back, but I'm happy with the new boy, and then I get to tell him to get lost and he gets to be hurt and heartbroken. Yeah, I like that scenario. Now if only I could make it happen....
But yeah, so where am I supposed to meet someone?? I have no idea.
Anyways, bedtime for me.
Nighty night
Susana
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