Random ramblings.

So I have something wrong with three disks in my spine. I'm not sure exactly what's wrong with them. But according to the doctor, I have to do a month of physio, and if that doesn help, then I have to have surgery. And you know, I know it won't help. I've had to do physio before, and it didn't work. I really don't think this time will be much different.

So lately I've been feeling weird. Like I want to do something, but I don't know what. Like I should be looking forward to something, but I don't know what, because everything is a maybe. Kinda just stir-crazy. I think that's the right word for it. At least, it is in my head.

And I really miss sex. Not that it was so often or even so great with Anthony, but yeah, I miss having the option of having it. I just need a boy, even for a night. Some making out, some sex...yeah, that'd work. Except I'm not as confident as I used to be. I used to be able to find guys to make out with anywhere I went. Now, not so much. I think that's what bothers me the most, the lack of confidence.

I should work on that. And I should work on fixing what I don't really like. Do something with my hair, get contacts. Maybe get my nails done, that's always a booster. Sadly, I can't go to the gym right now. Now that I know I have three fucked up disks, I don't want to risk hurting them more. So I have to wait until I see the specialist and the physio ppl so that I know what I can and can't do. I don't really want to have to need surgery.

And so there's a guy at work that I'm in love with. Okay, not in love with. but man, is he hot. I heart him. Haha, I love saying that, it sounds so funny. But no, really, I love to watch him. He's so pretty, it makes me happy. Yeah, I'd so jump him. In a heartbeat.

Anyways, done now. Nighty night.
~Susan a